A
female
age
36-40,
*ammy123
writes:Dear CupidI'm really having some toruble with my love life at the moment. I seem to always flirt with guys and when I know they like me I pull away and don't want to get to know them. I can't stop myself from doing this and it is really getting me down because I do want to find someone I can settle down with and be in a long temr relationship with. This all seemed to start when I broke up with one guy who I had an intense relatioship with a few years ago. We only knew each other for about a year and we went through a lot together. But the way we broke up was terrible because he gave me no explanation and it just seemed to fizzle out. I tried to get on with things but then he got back in touch with me and we tried to remain friends but this wasn't really enough for me because I wanted to get back together whereas he didn't. Now I'm finding it really tough finding the same sort of thing with any other man and I just wondered if you have any advice on how I can get over this. I have a lot of guys telling me they want to be with me but I'm scared of letting things go further in case I get hurt again. Most of these guys are also a lot older than me and I want to start dating guys my own age who I can have fun with.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): In my experience ( I am 46) I can honestly say there are very few men out there who you can trust (sorry you guys that are truthful). I have seen it a million times and have had men falling over themselves in the past to get me to trust them, then when my guard is totally down, months into the relationship, they have dropped me from a great height. I will never ever ever trust another man again as long as I live. The absolute nicest men have turned out to be some of the worst where trust is concerned. You either have to realise this and just be in it for a good time like them or leave well alone if you dont want to get hurt. I cannot take the pain of break ups any more so I know what is best for me, which is really sad as I have so much love to give to an honest man.
A
male
reader, Cauthorn  +, writes (17 March 2007):
I'm going to throw my two sense in on this one simply because the situation that you're going through, the flirting, I mean, is the same thing the significant other in my life is going through.She's been in a previous relationship that lasted for quite some time, and one day out of the clear blue it ended. Ever since that time, she's had a real rough time trusting men, and it came down to the point where she, in essence, flirted with everyone to the point of becoming close.When they got to that point, it pretty much ended just as quick as it all started because she wasn't ready to settle down with anyone.I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her, and right now we're together for the past month, so, apparently it did some good, and I hope it does the same for you:I've used this quote before, I believe it's from Thoreau, and I'm going to use it again in your case, "Be true to your heart, for it depends upon our honesty for survival." No one knows what you want better than yourself. Clear your mind, and tell yourself what YOU want. Don't bring anyone else into the picture, don't worry yourself about others, just think about what you, and only you want. If the above means telling people it has to end, then so be it. Playing people hurts more than anything, trust me, I've been there. It doesn't sound like you want intentional hurt, which is a positive side. Build upon that and tell yourself what you want and be strong enough to stick by your guns. Do what you have to do to make what you want happen.I understand the fear of getting hurt. It's probably the worst feeling in the world, but like I said, you have to either choose to be fearful or take a stand and go with it. If it seems right, you'll know. Very best of luck to you. I've been through what you're going through with my girlfriend and it wasn't pretty, so keep me updated and I wish you the best :)
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