A
female
age
36-40,
*3749
writes:I've been married to my husband for 4 1/2 years. We started out having a great sex life. We were having sex up to 3 times a day. After the birth of our daughter we were down to twice a week and he complained that it wasn't enough. Our libidos seemed to be polar opposite so that when I want it all the time he never wants it and vice versa. Within the past few months it has gotten horrible. We only have sex maybe once every 3 weeks or so, and the past two months he has only wanted blow jobs and won't even return the favor. He has told me that since sex doesn't get me anywhere he's not even going to bother doing it. Now it's not that sex doesn't get me anywhere, he just fails at foreplay. His version of foreplay is kneading my boobs for about 30 seconds, long enough to get a boner, and that's that. It's not even gentle caresses. It feels more like he's trying to knead pizza dough. It doesn't turn me on in the least. Back when sex was good we used to spend up to a half hour on foreplay and he used to kiss my neck ect. I've told him that I need more foreplay, and I've even told him what feels good (because it seems he has forgotten the past) and he just won't do it. It seems like as long as his needs are met then he doesn't even have to bother taking care of mine.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Sounds to me like hes using you. Id stop all sex until u guys work things out.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 July 2012):
 Then stop fulfilling HIS needs. You need a serious talk with him.
Getting a boner is NOT going to turn you on. He really needs to go back to basics with foreplay and I seriously would suggest you tell him what YOU want from him and what YOU need, not just give him BJ's to shut him up.
YOU are in charge of YOUR sex-life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): Your situation is very common, married with children and waning sex life. Putting that aside, there is no excuse for your husband to be a crappy lover. If he loves you, he will take care of your needs. That's what it boils down to.Kneading your breasts to give himself jollies is not doing anything for you. His comment to you about you not getting off is neanderthal at the very least. That is his failure, not yours. I suggest you evaluate all of the things in your marriage to Trog the caveman and determine for yourself if you want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with this person. If your life is fulfilled in every other way, except sexually, and you can live for the REST OF YOUR LIFE like this, then there is your answer. If not, then make a move and end this "marriage". I really, really hate to say this, but... you really only get one shot at life. Don't F' it up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): So what? No offence OP but I don't see a question in your post at all. All I see is a woman being used as a sex toy and not doing anything to have her needs met and yet still giving him what he wants.
OP the man is acting like a child. If my girlfriend acted that way I'd tell she's getting nothing off me until she grows up because I'm not a paedo, I don't bang children.
What's your question? Did you come here so we could all tell you he's being an asshole and you deserve better? Well you don't need us to tell you that do you?
If your question is how do I get him to fulfil my needs when I've already spoken to him and he doesn't listen, then thw answer is simple. You can't, communication is the foundation of fixing any issue and he refuses to communicate or change.
My advice is to buy a nice ass vibrator, if you already have one get a nice new fancy one and give him nothing at all until he decides that sex will be the beautiful mutual act it used to be. Do not cave in and let him use you this way.
To be brutally honest OP, I think you have no right to complain if you're giving him the blow jobs and letting him bone you without giving you pleasure. He's only doing it because you're letting him. If you haven't been allowing him to do all that stuff and have already cut him off and he still refuses to pleasure you then you really have to consider what kind of poor communication, shitty sex life you're willing to have in the future because that to me is too much of a deal breaker.
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