A
female
age
36-40,
*edhead85
writes:My husband doesn't give me the type of sexual attention that I would like.I have a pretty high sex drive. In past relationships, I would have sex quite often (at least once a day).When I started dating my husband, I felt that I held myself back sexually. I wouldn't consider myself to be crazy or freaky at all in bed. And I am not a sex addict. I like to talk and be talked to dirty (seriously, nothing too extreme). I also like to do several positions, and I love foreplay. I like to get involved and have fun...I'm not the kind of woman who just lays on her back the whole time.My past boyfriends didn't seem to have a problem with any of this. In fact, I was told quite often about how good I was in bed. Soon after my husband and I started dating and having sex, I would ask him to say something dirty to me, and he would refuse. This made me feel embarrassed, and from that point on, I made a conscious effort to monitor myself between the sheets.My husband and I have been married now for 2 years and I feel as if sex is the #1 topic that we fight over. The fights usually start when I ask my husband to have sex with me, and he refuses. Or when I start to touch him in bed and he pushes my hand away. It seems as if every time I initiate it, he refuses. But I have to be the one to ask, because he never starts it. And on the rare occasion that we do have sex, to me, it's terrible. I have to fake orgasms, and I have never had that problem before.This is so confusing to me. My husband and I have a great relationship (aside from our sex life). And it is really getting to me that he denies me all of the time. I feel as if I am the man of the relationship, always begging for sex. I even try to do things to get him turned on...I will walk around the house practically naked, I will tell him how sexy he is and how he turns me on so much, I have even asked him if I could give him a blow job, and he said no.???Actually, I don't know any man that would turn that down. And when I have confided in my friends about this (the male ones) are in complete disbelief and they tell me about how their wives/ girlfriends never do that.I just don't understand. I have tried so many different approaches. My husband is 35 and I am 25 years old...his friends are always joking with him about how jealous they are that he has such a young hot wife. I have always been told that I am attractive and I have a nice body. I still get hit on if I go out to a bar. But being denied by my husband is making me self-conscious. The real problem now is, I am finding myself fantasizing about other men. The scary thing is that I am growing more and more attracted to one of his good friends (who is single). I feel that I am attracted to this man because he will always give me attention. And now I find that I want to be around him just so I can feel the way that I used to. I honestly feel that I want to have sex with this man.I have never had this problem before. I love my husband dearly, but I feel that our lack of sexual compatibility may lead me to cheat.My question is...How can I find out why my husband doesn't want me sexually? I have asked him before, but never gotten a straight answer. And how do I stop fantasizing about other men? I really am afraid that I will cheat.I am also scared because I am really starting to resent my husband for all of this. I have tried to look past it, but it's weighing too heavily on me now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): your write i dont know to many men who would turn that down.Especially if you are attractive. I myself had a problem like this once. My exhusband and i always used to have alot of sex but one day he didnt want any from me at all. i did the same thing bought sexy clothes walked around half naked he turned down blow jobs..this continued for about 7months.. i was super horny all the time and acually almost had an affair with my proffesor at the time. but i didnt becuase i loved my husband. anyway one day my husband grabbed the wrong cell phone(we both had the same style phone)when he went to work. I got a text message that said hey i thought we were supposed to meet at 2:00 you never showed i made sure i took my pill....then there was a photo of a naked woman with the message. I realized then that he was no longer having sex with me at all because he had already had sex with another person and i was no longer attractive to him...P.S the girl was not even pretty...so maybe you should look into that u might find something..hope this helps :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): You're just not sexually compatible with your husband and you never were, you assumed incorrectly that this would change but it hasn't.
I'm sorry but sex is such a key part of a relationship that if your incompatibility means that this is unlikely to work unless something drastic happens. It's time to go see a marriage counselor.
Don't feel bad about fantasizing about other men, that's normal i your situation, just don't act on it. Go get counseling it's the last option you have. I don't mean to be pessimistic but after years being together this is not going to change in my opinion. Good luck.
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