A
female
age
51-59,
*Ling
writes:Hi everyone, I have been struggling with a problem for the last 3 years and wondered if anyone could help. My husband has gone off sex completely, after years of counseling etc, he says he's just not interested at all with anyone including me! This really hurts! Counsellors have recomended various things including being romantic but he never sticks to any of them. I have tried everything, sexy undies, romantic meals, initiating sex, the list is endless... I am so tired of this, I love my husband very much and love my life, I just want to feel needed and wanted, it's not just about sex! He says he loves me and dosen't want us to split up but he won't do anything to help the situation, one good example is; He has just been off for 4 days on a boys long weekend, knowing we are having these problems, I made a huge effort to look really good, new outfit, hair done etc, he hasen't brought back a present, fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and all he said about how I looked was nice jumper!Please help.....
View related questions:
split up, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GLing +, writes (18 September 2008):
GLing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your comments, please keep them coming as they are giving me strength and ideas! I got a bottle of perfume last night which he said he forgot to give me the night before when he got home! It's my birthday tommorow so I think he bought the perfume for that but saw the look on my face and decided to give it to me early!!! But what's really bothering me (or am I just being paranoid after years of this) is that in my personal opionion shouldn't any 'normal' bloke be wanting sex after being away for nearly a week? To cut a long story short unless I make a fuss about it we don't have sex at all, or on average it's once a month!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): if he cant be bothered,why the hell should you start thinking of yourself and look good for yourself you`ll soon be getting loads of male attention
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): Does your husband masterbate? or is he completely celibate?
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 I disagree with Emily's answer.
I think men do not respond with words. They respond with action. What you need to do is stop putting effort into making it work. For the next month, stop doing things for him and he will notice. During this time, fill your schedule busy.Take sewing classes, go to the gym. Do everything for yourself and not him. He will wonder what happenend and start making the effort on your marraige because he miss having you around. good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, GLing +, writes (17 September 2008):
GLing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply it really is appreciated! The thing is I've sort of tried that one a few weeks ago, I told him I was thinking about having an affair, and guess what, nothing! I also told him a few weeks ago I wanted a divorce and that I'd had enough, he went off on his own for a few hours then came back saying he didn't want us to split up and he couldn't imagine his life without me etc, he said he would try really hard, he did try for a week or two then as usual everything goes back to normal! I really don't know what to do anymore, apart from leave...
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 September 2008):
Well he says he doesn't want to lose you but I think in his mind he knows you'll just stay and put up with it so the problem will just go away in the end.
I think you need to scare him into putting in some effort. You have tried everything else and he's just not bothering.
Next time you are sat down with him just tell him that "you know last week when I got all done up and was wearing that nice jumper you liked? Well it turns out you weren't the only one to notice! I had 3 guys ask for my number on the way back form the salon... so I thought that since you don't want to have sex or be romantic with me, I might start seeing some other people."
I think that might actually get a reaction out of him.
Just smile sweetly and tell him that he's tried his best and you've both tried counselling so this is your only option, and phew it will be a relief not to have to put so much effort into looking nice for him every day.
It's silly I know but you have to do something, you can't carry on like this, it's horrible not being loved when you are married.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
