A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:What do you think? does he love me? are we getting back together? My ex bf and broke up cos he felt like he didn't deserve me. He had a one night stand with some girl. and he felt bad so he ended it.I was a good gf to him, I loved him, did everything for him, but I was a *****, I use to argue, nag him and bicker with him about the smallest things. He was so sweet, attentive, caring and made me feel so special, I've never had a guy like that. It was all about me. But I kept arguing with him and he'd ask me to stop but we'd make up me I'd start again and I think I drove him to the other girl.Anyway, when we broke up 6months, I cried so much I've never cried over a guy that much. I missed him everyday and whenever we'd decide not to speak, we always end up ringing each other again. I've grown up a lot now and I realise how stupid I was back then. I saw him yesterday, we spent the day together, he cooked (he's a good cook) laid in bed and just talked lots about everything. and kissed lots and when I was getting ready to leave he asked me to stay over but I said no.He held my hand whiles we were walking just like old times. He told me he missed me and I missed everything about him too. I still love him, I asked if he loves me he said he does. He said he ended cos I was arguing with him for no reason and cos he felt bad when he cheated.I know he cheated but I wanna be with him, I hate been away from him. I like everything about him is crazy, I feel like he's the one I belong with.How would I know if he wants me back or if we are back together?Thanks..xx
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female
reader, Blonde_J +, writes (19 September 2011):
For starters - cut yourself some slack. It is not your fault he cheated. If he was unhappy with your relationship, then he there are plenty of things he could have done - like talking to you - none of which involve having sex with another woman. He slept with her because of him - not you. Whether that was due to a moment of weakness or just lack of respect for you and your relationship - its up to you to decide. But don't take responsibility for his mistake. It undermines your confidence and puts you down. No one is perfect. No matter how much of a nag you became, he chose to do the wrong thing and hurt you. If your going to take him back you have to be firm about that - if your in a monogamous relationship then cheating is not negotiable. This may sound un-romantic but on that one you have to be clear. Just because you love him doesn't mean its ok for him to do things that hurt you. No one is perfect. You've had a lot of time to question what you could have done to spare yourself the pain of a broken heart. But be real. However much you've grown - at some point you're going to nag, argue and bicker with your partner. Your human - its what we do. Equally I'm sure if your honest there were things about him that made you nag or bugged you. Thats equally fine. Being yourself is not something you should feel bad about - especially with the person your in a relationship with. If you want him back then the first thing you should ask yourself is how secure and comfortable will you feel? Do you trust? Can you say anything to him and know that he will discuss his problems with you instead of running off to find an easier option? I'm not trying to say don't go back. If you love him and you really want to try again, then you need to have a conversation with him and openly talk about why things went wrong. But you've obviously had a lot of heart ache over this break up and it can be easy to overlook your own needs to just make that pain go away. Ultimately the only way to see if your getting back together is just to talk to him. All I would say is make sure its on your terms, just as much as his.
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