A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry if this seems like a rant, but honestly, I'm just so upset/angry.I'm not exactly the biggest fan of men, just because I'm friends with men, so I hear all of the "Oh, my girlfriend is hot.. OMG that girl over there would so get it!" constantly. Like is it impossible to keep it in your pants for two whole seconds?!My problem is: All that I'm seeing right now, from the "GoDaddy" advert, to the BMW advert is this "If you want a girl way out of your league, that's totally fine, and easy, just fake a decent personality, or if that's to much effort, buy something that looks expensive because girls have no standards, and shouldn't be allowed to be picky, because that just makes them b*tches"I watched a video, where a super model was shopping, and this hideous, over weight painter fancied her, so he went out, bought an expensive car and BOOM she slept with him,EVERY SINGLE COMMENT was "LOL this is so true", "LOL all women are sl*ts", "Sad truth, all that women want" blah blah blah BLAH!So basically, the world I live in boils down to this: A man should NEVER have to date someone he thinks is below him physically, because he can fake a good personality, or even better, get a job. Whereas a women, GOD forbid you stand up for yourself, don't you DARE have standards, because that's disgusting, and stupid. You only ever hear of men being "friendzoned" or the "Nice guys finish last" No. "Nice guys finish last" because you're not a nice guy, you're a guy that is aiming way to high, only likes a girl because she's so much more attractive than you, and you hope that if you're nice enough to her, she'll drop all standards and date you. I want a good relationship, but how the hell will I find a guy I actually like with all of this absolute CRAP!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2013): Young women need to "raise their standards" and date people with better character? Yeah, in about the same way that Hugh Hefner does. Both Hefner and the typical young woman have the same problem. They don't have character standards too low, they just have sexiness standards too high. It might not look that way at first because young women see "sexiness" as more than just physical looks alone. They also value a man's social status, alpha-male attitude, wealth, etc. But ultimately they are still just choosing a guy based on his outward signs of sexiness, not his character. That's not so different from how Hugh Hefner chooses women. If you keep your sexiness standards high enough then it becomes impossible to find a date with good character. Lower your sexiness standards enough, and it becomes very easy. This is true for an 80yo man just like its true for a 21yo woman.
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male
reader, dagger4  +, writes (12 February 2013):
I think you might be playing into some of that advertising bs yourself. While many men are as you describe I think that you are speculating that we are all like that and it is a reflection of the advertising. Isn't it possible that the advertising is telling men that they think we should be that way, and not that we all actually are that way?Also, while many men are crude about it and don't approach it from a respectful standpoint, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with have certain standards when it comes to physical attraction. Now for me personally I have a high standard with that, can't really help it, I like what I like. But at the same time once I actually talk to her and get to know her a girl's personality can make her significantly more or less attractive for me.You are talking about men who comment on those videos by saying it's true women are only after money and all women are sluts, but what about all the men who don't feel that way, and therefore didn't comment at all?By that same argument I can find several examples of women who are interested in money and nice things above attraction or personality in a guy. So while there are instances where both are true I don't think that it's fair to assume that it's always true.One of the issues with the whole, "nice guys" situation is that from what I've seen (and I include myself in this) many "nice guys" are somewhat more reserved about going after a girl. I know for me, I don't want to be with a girl unless I know that she wants to be with me and I don't want to be "that guy" that keeps making unwanted advances.As for your comments that people hide their personality, I'd argue that initially everyone does that. You put your best foot forward and you try to highlight your positives while minimizing or covering up your negatives. This doesn't mean that you're trying to be deceptive, it just means that you don't want someone to see your shortcomings until they actually know you a bit. Some people are more deceptive about it than others, but all in all I don't think that showing someone your highlight reel instead of your biggest blunders is a bad thing.You just need to keep an open mind and remember that many guys out there are very decent, but just don't get give a chance by many women. Try making the first move yourself sometime and see if maybe a guy you didn't even consider before is really just a nice guy after all.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): I am afraid that no decent guy will want to date you unless you completely change your attitude.
Best of luck.
J
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 February 2013):
Good Lord. Please stop whining because you cannot find a man. You are insulting and offensive to the good guys on this board who have to read this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): If you want to find a decent guy, stop being bitter. Stop blaming everything on something only you can change, that is, your own unhappiness.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 February 2013):
Most guys aren't as shallow as you seem to think, and the ones that are will be looking for shallow women.
Stop wasting your time worrying about things you can't change.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): How will you find a decent guy?
Well, for one I would stop generalising us all. Probably a good place to start.
I could say all women are superficial bitches who only want someone tall, dark, handsome and rich. But that would be a sweeping generalisation that is not true in the majority of cases.
Grow up and stop blaming others for YOUR social ineptitudes.
Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): *sigh*....and just when I thought I found an apolitical haven on the internet, I still find myself hearing about Fox news and American politics again...
OP,
There's a lot of truth in what Cerberus said. Try searching this site for the male version of this question and I think you'll find there are plenty of men with similar questions about women:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-women-find-bad-boys-so-attractive.html
My take is that you've just discovered that you're averse to consumerism. Adverts tend to play to the lowest common denominator in social culture...which is why their messages tend to be predictably and stereotypically gendered and prey on insecurities in both genders. It's why they try to suggest to a man that every woman is potentially available should he buy such and such a car or aftershave... Or why women might miss the "the one" if they don't buy this dress or get that procedure done.
The good news is there are lots of people just like you out there who don't particularly like the messages they hear on advertisments. The best thing you can do is just refuse to support it; don't buy beauty magazines, don't buy make up or clothes you feel you have to just to impress men, or just don't watch these ads. Or if you do, acknowledge what you're doing in supporting these sorts of messages.
However, the worse thing you could do is sit around and work yourself up into a rage about "impossible standards" the world is imposing on you. Once you do that, you are just an emotionally engaged consumer and you're up for sale to the highest bidder. Anyone who mass produces anything today in the western world, makes more than a product, they manufacture desire. And they do it by commodifying your emotional reactions. They might do it by profiting from your insecurity or flattering your "social consciousness" You just have to be aware, you don't have to be angry.
Media isn't bad, just don't take it personally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): Nice rant. But "women" are just as bad for that shit OP.
First off they're guy friends, so what you're hearing is 'guy talk', yeah it's crude and disgusting but it's how we males bond and define our social grouping when we're young and often when we're older too, it means nothing. Like it or not we enjoy looking at beautiful women and displaying our virility through pointing them out to our other male friends and talking about the things we'd do to them. We don't do that around our girlfriends, mothers etc. you only see it because you're "one of the guys".
Well I've been one of the girls plenty of times and if I took what women talk about to each other as meaning anything I'd think you're all a bunch of insecure, jealous, superficial, judgemental bitches who hate everyone and want to stab each other in the back at every opportunity ("oh that fucking bitch is a slut she slept with him on the second date, ugh I couldn't date him he has small hands, did you see her hair it looks like a cat puked a furball on her head, she got pregnant with his child and she only knew him three months, my goal in life is to fuck a black guy I have to see what that's like.")
OP you've built this stupid shitty, little angry notion of the world based on false information without actually reading between the lines. Only an idiot watches advertising and pays attention to it, I haven't seen an ad in about a year. I don't pay attention to them and have them blocked on my computer and television.
You're looking at the world in a shit way because that's what you want to see.
Why are you so eager to look around you and see only shit? What effect does all this bullshit have on you? Live your life your way and stop looking for things to make yourself angry.
Women are supposed to have standards, but turn on MTV and they don't, watch the latest ad and women are superficial whores only good to look at and laugh at. Well I prefer to read a book instead, or stay in and have some wine with my woman while we watch a shitty romance movie and laugh at how fake and bullshit that whole thing is, or watch a quality series like Dexter, Breaking Bad, or watch a documentary on war or nature, or watch a george Carlin show, or go do any number of wonderfully awesome, informative and worthwhile shit than giving importance to guy talk or some bullshit societal notion of what is or is not supposed to be.
Like the internet OP, the world is only as shit as the things you expose yourself to. If all I did was watch MTV, read comments on youtube, Fox news, ads and listen to horny teenage boys talk about women, I'd be one fucking angry son of a bitch too. I mean I have to completely ignore the news during presidential elections in America or I really do start to lose faith in the human race that there are actually people stupid enough to buy into the fascist, corporate sponsored, insanely stupid republican party there.
You know how it is, Americans just don't understand how we think they're mostly fat and stupid, all they have to do is turn on Fox news or watch any George Bush speech to see why. America literally sells itself to the rest of the world as a bunch of money hungry, fat, fascist bastards who enjoy bombing children for oil.
But that's not who they all are, but you have to beyond what you're sold to see that.
Learn to look a bit deeper into things OP and see the borader context fo things.
Godaddy ad, written by a bunch of people in suits. People who study demographics to see what people will like, use that knowledge to find a memorable hook, then they pay some people to film it, actors to be in it, TV companies for slots to put it in and in return they have people like you buying into it and talking about it, which increases their sales. You just gave them free advertising on this site, well done.
If you want a guy you actually like, stop being superficial about life and learn to look at what is underneath everything. Nothing is how you think it is.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 February 2013):
 from my personal experience, men are more into physical stimulation/appearance (ie: looks), while women are more into emotional/mental stimulation (ie: personality). and it's not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, either way. it's just a difference between men and women.a lot of times, women will want to be with what you might consider a less attractive man, or a man "way below her in appearance", because he makes her happy based on how he can stimulate her mind or make her laugh. i personally date women myself. been out of the closet for over ten years now, and i've found that i have gotten by my societies standards, extremely hot women. my friends constantly make comments about it and how they don't understand how i do it. they joke and ask what the hell is wrong with these women to want to be with me lol. and i often wonder what the hell is wrong with them, myself lol. i'm not particularly good-looking or anything. i'm average. but it's my personality that is what lures them to want to be with me. i make them laugh and have a very friendly, outgoing personality. i also have brains and carry on conversation extremely well. anyway, every girl i've ever been with says that they're more stimulated by the mind than by the persons looks. and that if they do it for them mentally, then that makes them find them extremely physically attractive. that's just how most women are. so THAT'S how i've gotten these "out of my league" women.yes, it is rather riduculous to portray and perpetuate the notion that women have no standards or brains, and sleep with slobby men who have money or buy them expensive things. but lets be honest here .. isn't there a certain degree of truth to that? how many times have you seen exceptionally hot women with average to unattractive men because they have money and buy them things? it happens ALL the time. so yes, maybe advertisement is perpetuating this phenominon. but it's perpetuating an already existent truth.try not to let these things get too under your skin. because i'm sure you're a smart woman with high standards. and i'm certain you'll find a man who wants the same thing. you're not one of these women "with no standards." so take pride in that.as a final note, these women may not see themselves as having no brains or standards. their standards are just different than yours. no harm no foul.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 February 2013):
 Advertisements are propaganda. They trigger you the sense of instant gratification to make you want to buy the product. They don't care if that fat guy is going to have a long term relationship with that model. The ad theme also has to be outrageous and catchy for people to remember. It is not meant to be truth, more like a joke.
Society is still making men buy things for women, like they are whores. If you buy things for a man, then he is your boytoy.
I have to agree though, ads and commercialism do shape culture a bit.
By the way how is having standards disgusting?
No, a nice guy is not one who aims too high. He is one who preys on women who had just been dumped by players. A nice guy will boast how he is the only last one left who is faithful and will stick around, who knows what everlasting love is. But when it comes to real relationships, he will always complain how you don't know what true love is, how no one will ever understand him, how corrupted people are nowadays.
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reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (12 February 2013):
 "but how the hell will I find a guy I actually like"
Yes it seems a lot like a rant. I think the question deserves an answer. You talk a lot about leagues and standards, whilst at the same time describing your friends as absolute dogs.
If you really want to find a guy you actually like you need to stop hanging out with guys that are below your standards.
FA
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