A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How to say a guy, that has treated you well, cared about you, was on your side to support you and who you know has feelings for you, that HE IS Simply Not THE Guy you're looking for?? and not to be painful for him? What's the best way? Please, any Help! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (10 September 2007):
O.K. anonymous writer, shame on him too for trying to catch an illusion of his own creation. Love can make many a man a fool.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 September 2007):
 You and he will bet better off long term by telling him.Before finding someone else. Take the time to list. (1) What am I looking for in a partner? (2) What personalities am I attracted to. (3) What personalities do I have that can benefit the relationship (4) What personality do I want the other person to possess to benefit the relationship in which ways?Too often we look at people, think the smile nice, smell good, or look good, without taking into account if their personalities are ones which we can be with.Take care. Remember, just because you have to end this, does not make you any less of a person. We are all able to choose our partners, and it doesn't take away from you or make you a bad person if you choose not to be with someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your answering. I will try to put it in as painless way as possible. Tommy7, dont put shame on me, he already had hints about this. I think that i got to be honest to myself and He and tell him. It will hurt, not just him, probably also me, but that is. He is not what im looking for, and any further relationship with him could lead us to nowhere.Thanks again , to all.gave me a good clue about how to do it, I will write what will happen in any case.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Hi,
The truth is that no matter how you tell him, it is going to hurt him.Just be honest and polite. Tell him that you think it would be better if yourll were just friends. Im sure that he would appreciate your honesty and i also think that it would be better if you would do it asap, instead of giving him the wrong impression.I know that it is bad to be in this situation.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 September 2007):
Its going to hurt, you cant avoid that sadly. But depending on how you go about it, you may be able to lessen some of the pain.
If I was you I would thank him for all that he has done- treating you right and being a lovely bf. Remind him of all the good qualities he has. Then honestly tell him that you dont feel like hes the one.
The sooner you do it, the sooner he can take steps to moving on and so can you :)
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A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (10 September 2007):
 I've done this exact same thing before. Trust me, honesty is the best way to go. Explain to this guy exactly what you posted above.
If you make up an excuse or don't tell the whole truth, this guy will wonder what he did wrong and probably bug you for a while. That's what happened with my ex until I told him the whole truth.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Be honest but very kind in your remarks - balancing memories of the good times with the fact that ultimately you feel it is not for you but you care deeply. Remaining friends afterwards for moral support can work for some and not others. If you feel comfortable you can offer this but ensure they know its not an opportunity back in to the relationship. The fact you are worrying about this shows you care very much - explain how worried you have been about your feelings and hurting him but its time to "let him go" and move on to a relationship where you both can give and receive the love you desire. Remember that the way you do this can affect both of your future relationships so you are right to think carefully about how to split up with someone. Wishing you courage.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (10 September 2007):
Why do you need to tell him anything? Have you led him to believe he's the one. If so, there is no painless way. Be direct and final and don't do anything that might send a mixed signal. Shame on you.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (10 September 2007):
 It's like pulling a band-aid off. Do it quickly. Be honest and direct. It's really the kindest thing.
Think of it this way: being honest with him is actually the kindest thing you can do. He needs to have time to let his heart heal so that he can find someone who WILL love him the way he deserves, rather than be hung up on someone who won't return his feelings (you). Don't continue to lead him on, just because you're afraid of hurting him. You'll be hurting him worse to keep things the way they are.
Good luck hon.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 September 2007):
Just be honest with him. It may hurt no matter which way you put it. It's not what you say, it's what he's losing. Do it in a caring manner, placing yourself to blame and not him.
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