A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Are there any special words that I can tell my woman to get the truth out of her? Possibly, something that I can say that will touch her in a way(emotionally) that she will finaly come clean? I have a strong sense that my wife has had sex. I found out that she was interested in another man. She admits that she was lured by his outgoing pesonality at work. She also admits to a wet sloppy kiss with him. She told me that she didn't want the kiss to end! That hurt!!! It's so hard to tell if she is being honest about sex. We have so much together, like 10 years and 2 beautiful children. The man that she was with is now engaged to a woman that he was with for 3 years and they recently moved because he is in the military. I told the man that if he didn't tell me what happened between them I would tell his girlfriend that he was cheating on her. That didn't work because he still wouldn't say anything.When I ask my wife "did you have sex with him" she will reply with "no I did not have sex with him". Her face will change slightly and eyes will sometimes roll up in the air. She always looks pissed that I am asking. Sometimes she will have a forced sarcastic looking smile followed by a yawn. What the heck does that mean? I am tired of that look and that yawn. Is she smiling because it makes her feel good to know that I am into her buiseness? It almost seems like she is this different person when answering to this subject. Sometimes we will be talking about this crap and I will intentionally change the subject to see how she reacts. She always goes with the change and never brings the cheating subject back up. Could that be because she is tired of talking about it like she says or because she had sex and hates thinking about it? That is one reason why I have a strong sense that she did more. The other reason is because she had purple bruises on her neck area that I didn't put there. She said that she didn't know how they got there but it was most likely from a braw that was to tight or something she lifted at work. What can I say to find out? Is there anything that may get the truth out of her? Has anyone ever seen a person roll there eyes,force a smile with sarcasm and then yawn. What the heck is she always yawning for? She claims that it's because she is tired. Sounds like a load of BS to me. Any opinions?
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affair, at work, engaged, military Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): look mate - she had sex with him. does that make u feel better. I could say put her on a polygragh (some people can beat a polygragh) truth serum (doesn't always work) see if her eyes shift to your left (neurolinguistic programming) when she answers you or torture (illegal and doesn't always work) u'll never know unless she volunteers it (and if she volunteers it the only thing u'll believe is 'yes we had sex'). So why TORTURE yourself. give it up. I am sorry to say this to you but it's for your own good.
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  + ♥, writes (9 November 2008):
 I know wanting details is probably driving you crazy right now - but my suggestion to you is to think beyond what may or may not have happened between this guy and your wife. The only 'fact' that you need to consider is that for some reason your wife felt an attraction to another man and on some level acted upon it - even if it was only emotionlly.
This is what you need to concentrate on and deal with.
This is a very clear red flag that something is wrong within your relationship - something is going on for your wife (which may have nothing to do with you)and if you guys are to move forward from this you must both work to identify the issue and then deal with it - if your wife doesn't examine the why's and how's there is no guarantee she won't make futher mistakes.
I believe seeing a therapist together would be helpful - naturally you are both having extreme reactions during any discussion about this situation - which is probably getting in the way of making any progress, so a non biased 'mediator' could be very helpful.
I hope you can sort this out and get things back on track with your wife. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (9 November 2008):
 Hi,
Firstly i am sorry you have to go through this sometimes the not knowing what happened is actually worse than when you do find out because you are looking for closure here and cannot get it with her because of her reluctance to admit to anything more than a kiss.
To give her the benefit of the doubt maybe that's all it ever was just a kiss?
I have been cheated on and believe me it is not easy to tell most cheaters will lie through their teeth to hide the truth reason why? They cannot confront they sometimes will make excuses to justify their cheating sometimes blaming the other partner it is a hard call because on one hand she has admitted to a kiss which has made you think no way! it must have went further i think we all have been there with the doubt factor!
If you are constantly asking her and she keeps denying it then maybe you will have to let it die a death so you both can move on from this because the more you delve and if there is nothing more to find it will eat away at the heart of your souls.
Believe me tired is not the word i would use to describe how exhausting this can be after a while and if she is already making eyes etc; it may well be she has grown tired of you asking the same old same she may feel why is he not believing me?
Why am i constantly repeating the same old answer to be fair to her maybe that is all she has to say on the matter maybe you have got yourself into a tizzy thinking she has took it further and has'nt?
My husband and i are still together and his cheating was on a mega scale compared to some on here and i have witnessed the yawns, the tired look, because i was constantly questioning him even when i got the answers i would find another and on and on it went so it does become repetitive and you have to decide if you are content with the fact she has'nt cheated then you need to stop with the accusations!
If you feel she is lying and there is something to find then you will have to be very calm and patient and hope she will have the decency to tell you in her own time cheaters do not conform to your needs they are to used to conforming to their own so therefore when she is good and ready and after careful questions you may well begin to get her to crack but it is a game of patience my friend and i wish you well in finding the answers you seek.
Ginalolabridga.
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A
male
reader, Austinalive +, writes (8 November 2008):
Pressure won't get you answers, but her conscious will. Patience is the key and your cold emotions are needed. You should act like normal, even better, eventually she might feel guilty, overall if you use some seemingly unconcious prhases like "i trust you" and those.
If it doesn't get you that "true" you're waiting, maybe there isn't a true. On the other hand, changing yourself and being better coul improve marriage.
good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): You may never know what really happened, if she doesn't want to tell, you just isn't going to. Unless she talks in her sleep..I think you can forget about it. Its hard to say what her actions mean, she really may be telling the truth, you know her far better than any of us do.
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A
female
reader, DearCassy +, writes (8 November 2008):
 Never seen that before.But like you,I wouldn't be able to
drop the subject unil I got the truth.Why would she do that EVERY time when that particular question is being asked?I honestly don't know any way that you could coax her
or get to her emotionally.What I would do though,is set a
date night.During then,you can talk about intimate stuff(not sex wise),but emotional stuff,whatever comes across that's intimate.That'll probably get her more comfortable.
Then you can have a truth-out.Don't know about the name,lol.I came up with it.Bu it'll have to include you too.You'll each have to tell something bad that you did or
something the other doesn't know about.Maybe that'll work.I
don't know what else,but I hope that helped.If you decide to try it,let me know if it worked.Hope I helped.xxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Short of shooting her with truth serum and torturing her... no.
If she doesn't want to tell you the truth then she won't.
Then again... perhaps she is telling the truth. And all they shared was a bond and a kiss.
I'm not saying what she did was right, or even nice. The last thing you tell to a partner is how deeply you felt a bond for another man... I mean, that's just logic.
Look... she hurt you. Just try and get her understand just how much she did by her conduct.
She seems to be trying to move past these events without ever actually facing up to and dealing with the full consequences. Whereas you still haven't received an adequate response to satiate you emotional need to understand.
My advice is to forgive her, whatever her faults, on the condition that it NEVER, even slightly happens again. I mean no kisses on the lips, minimal flirting with other guys.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Hi there,
At this stage it could be really difficult to tell..lets look at the opposite stats, how many men admit to having an affair when they have cheated on their wifes? Exactly
I don't wish to break your happy home, however there are enough clues to suggest that she may have slept with this man. You talking to her about it, she is not going to admit this, but to make herself seem trustworthy she stated that they kissed so that you don't think anything more of the situation. She does have some feelings for you and wants to maintain your relationship that is why she will not discuss it as she doesn't want to loose you. If there are trust issues that are coming between you now it maybe difficult to make this relationship work. Question yourself, do you want to be a fool in the situation, only you can decide if you wish for this relationship to continue.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): I think she had sex because my stupid husband does the same thing when he is out all night what a jerk!!!!!
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