A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My sister is a spoilt little brat and I'm not just saying that out of anger or resentment. She doesn't respect my parents at all. She never says "thank you" but instead "can you get me this next?" She's twelve years old. I'm not even surprised she's acting this way because my mum LETS HER DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. When theres a problem, its never little sisters fault. Its always me and/or my brothers fault. For example, two nights ago, my brother left his door open to go to sleep. My sister saw this and kicked up a fuss. She has a cat that she NEVER lets out the house, so she yelled at my brother to shut his door in concern that her cat would escape from his room. Like I said, my sister biggest priority is herself. It doesn't matter if its 12am, 1am, or 2am. She'll scream and shout KNOWING that it'll wake my mum up. So thats what she did. When my brother wouldn't shut his door (it was a super hot night) my sister shouted and whined. This is where super-mum comes running into the scene. "WHAT THE F#$ and # IS THE PROBLEM!?!?! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEE EEVERY NIGHT!!!@!# I WORK HARD EVERYDAY AND THIS IS WHAT IG ET@#(!*?!?!?!" At first I thought she was yelling at my sister but no. "YOU ALWAYS WIND HER UP (BROTHERS NAME)!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BULLY? GET A HOBBY OR SOMETHING. GROW SOME BALLS" So this went on for 5 mins or so before she went back to her room, slammed the door. Little sister didn't get any consequences at all, mind you. My brother literally got in trouble for not closing his door.Sounds real petty (and it is) but it makes me and my brother feel so miserable because we get the same bullshit treatment everyday. My sister can say and do whatever she pleases. Its me and my bro that gets the punishment SHE should be getting. I have so many other examples of this but the question I have is HOW THE HELL DO I COPE WITH THIS? The urge to slap her across the face grows with each day but I know thats not a good idea. Mum would probably call the cops on me, not even joking. So any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, louiselistens  +, writes (7 March 2018):
 Hi Anonymous writer,
Your family life sounds as if it is giving you a lot of built up feelings of resentment and frustration which, at times, must feel very difficult to cope with. I understand how difficult that must be.
Try to keep calm. No matter how frustrating it may get, rising to your sisters behavior will only make you look bad. Especially if she is making you so angry that you may lose your temper and do something that you will later regret.
In the short term, avoiding arguments may be your best solution. However, in the long run this will not be healthy for you or your sister. Being spoilt is not good for her and in all likelihood she will be harmed by it. Wait until an appropriate moment, when your mother isn't too overworked or stressed, and have a conversation with her about her favoritism. Be reasonable. Being angry with her will only confirm her bias that you are the one who starts arguments. By showing your mother that you are mature enough to discuss your feelings civilly may go a long way to changing her view of you.
best wishes
louiselistens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2018): First let me say this. You have no right to raise your hand to your sister, or any female. Under no circumstances is that allowable!
Sorry, if this is too long. This is very serious; if in your mind you want to hit your sister.
Your sister may be mentally-disturbed, and your mother may have some idea that is the case. She may not want to face that possibility, or admit it to you; because it is hard for parents to accept that their child may have a serious health or mental-issue.
I don't know this for sure, it's a big "maybe!"
Most parents love their children, and they want to think all their children are normal and perfect. Just going through growth-spurts or phases. Most of the time that is the case.
Your sister has too many outbursts; and displays too many signs of emotional-distress to be ignored. You're picking-up on it, but your mother doesn't want to face it. Instead, she is taking-out her frustrations on you and your brother. That isn't fair. She's causing you and your brother emotional-distress to protect your sister. Everyone has a limit to what they can take, and being so angry you want to harm your sister means you need to find someone to talk to about all this. Not just here! More close to you!
Oh, for the life of me! We get so many posts from young people who mention absolutely nothing about a father in their situation! Rarely do we get a post with mention of a father; unless he's the problem. Where is your father, young man? Why haven't you mentioned any of this to him?
If your parents are divorced, it is possible that your younger-sister is acting-out. Same would be the case for your mother. Who is taking all her frustrations with her life, your sister, your dad (and her struggles); on you and your brother. You and your brother represent the male-gender. To a woman who has been betrayed or abandoned by a man; anyone male is the enemy. She has inner-struggles and pain she needs to deal with all alone. When everyone depends on you, the load gets too heavy to think straight, son. She's exhausted! Your sister annoys her as much as she annoys you! She realizes how young she is, and probably why!
You're older, and she figures her verbal-battery and abuse doesn't affect you as much; because you're tough. You're a guy. She is also lashing-out at your father by way of you and your brother; because you're males. For causing your sister, a female, distress. So stop doing it!
Lighten-up on your sister. You see there's something not quite right about her. She's growing and going through changes in her body that scare and confuse her. Why would you want to hit a defenseless girl? Don't you dare! You're older, bigger, and much stronger! She loves her pet; and yes, she would be very upset if anything happens to it. She loves you too, and wouldn't want anything to happen to you either.
If your dad lives there in the house with all of you; he's not being much of a dad. He has the responsibility to settle things down, with your mother and/or your sister. If he is at all involved; but your parents are divorced. Tell him what you and your brother are going through. Your angry and aggressive mother and younger-sister need to be put in-check. Not by your hand! You're just a kid, you are not responsible for your mother's frustrations or your sister's bad-behavior.
Now try to understand both your mother and sister. Your mom is working hard and everything falls on her shoulders. She loves all of you; which is why she works so hard to keep you all together. To cloth you, feed you, and keep a roof over your heads. If divorced or a widow; this is all placed on her shoulders. You might need to get a part-time job to help her out. Imagine if you had to take care of all four of you without any help! If that is the case for her.
Talking to your mother may help; but from what you describe about her, she may be too wound-up and burdened with her own problems to listen to a kid. Some parents think they have a right to bully their children, just because they can. It isn't right. Then they'd be furious if you reported them!
Adults sometimes ignore the complaints of their children; and don't think you have any right to tell them when they are wrong. That is when or why kids rebel and retaliate with bad-behavior. Then the stupid adult wants to blame the kid; but not their own poor parenting. Chances are, if you talk back, she will be even more enraged. You may not be able to reason with her without another adult to intervene.
Young man, sometimes adults don't listen until another adult steps-in to make them listen. You may have to take it to your grandparents; maybe one of your real aunts or uncles, you know will listen to you. Oh, your mother will blow a gasket; but she doesn't seem to know that her over-protection of your sister and bullying, is emotional-abuse on the males in the house. Enough is enough!
She needs to shut her screaming-mouth and realize she is hurting you and your brother. Tell somebody, even if you have to tell a school counselor. She won't like it, but that will get her attention when someone else comes to remind her that you and your brother have feelings. You also have limits as to how much you can take! She has three children, not just one bratty little-girl. Guys have feelings too!
To be wise and to properly advise you; I have to look at all sides of this issue.
Teenagers tend to be moody or melodramatic. They see things more dramatic or against them than it actually may be. Your mother knows your sister is younger and going through some things; so she is trying to deal with her without help. She is a pre-teen; which is just as annoying as a full-fledged teenager. Mom has her hands full! You and your brother also actually do things that get on her nerves. Yet you think you should tell her how to rule and parent your sister. Not your job. You were also your sister's age, and no angel!
Your mother is absolutely right to defend and protect your sister against two growing boys. All you see is what annoys you, but she's still just a kid. She can't hurt you! So your mom puts everybody back in their place before you do hurt your little sister. She really shouldn't have to!
First, she has to realize when your sister may be suffering issues that are not just normal behavior. Until then, she is going to yell at the wrong people, and you may have to ask her to stop; because it's starting to hurt you and your brother. If she won't, inform her that you are going outside to find someone who can help you. That will get her attention and shock her enough to back-off some and regroup. She may not even realize how much this is affecting you and your brother.
In any case, you have to love her and be understanding. If worst comes to worst, suggest living with your dad for awhile. That is, if he can take you in. He may have abandoned the family, and that's the cause for all this outrage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 March 2018):
 Have you tried talking to your mom at any point (without your sister being around). You mom, might be babying your little sister for many reasons. Who knows, but I think talking to your mom might be the best approach.
She might NOT want to hear that she is raising your little sister to be a spoiled brat, but maybe she NEEDS to hear it?
She isn't HELPING your sister by letting her get away with crap or putting the blame on you and your brother.
Now it may also be that she has higher expectations for you and your brother, thus come down harder on you two. Impossible to say.
Talk to your mom without accusing her of anything - if you can.
And no, slapping your little sister is not going to fix anything.
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