A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Over the last few years my sex drive has increased and I've been a bit more wilder in the bedroom with my husband. We have done some role playing, taken a few photos, and a video.I know my husband dose not mind at all but there are some nights I need more then he can give me, do. In our early married days we did discuss swinging but never went all the way. I know my husband was ok with it then but 15 years later I'm not sure how to bring it up without him thinking I'm not satisfied by what he gives me.I really want to give it a try before the clock runs out and having an affair is not the answer.So any suggestions on how to bring this up?
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affair, sex drive, swinging Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): I agree that swinging will likely destroy your marriage.
Why don't you take up masturbation? Perhaps your husband could watch... There are tons of sex toys you can try (probably) without damaging your marriage.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I am a FORMER swinger.
You said: "there are some nights I need more then he can give me"
but then you said: "without him thinking I'm not satisfied by what he gives me."
they are two different statements that cannot stand together.
Either he cannot give you all you need as said in the first statement OR you are satisfied (and implied in the second)
the problem is dear you are NOT satisfied and your statement: "I really want to give it a try before the clock runs out and having an affair is not the answer."
Agreed.
I left a sexually satisfying marriage due to swinging. I am now in a sexually unsatisfying relationship but would NOT go back to swinging nor would I ever consider an affair or ending the relationship.
SWINGING does NOT fix a broken marriage. Your marriage is broken and swinging will just break it more.
EVERY and I do mean EVERY single marriage I know that went into swinging to fix something has ended.
THERE are three long term marriages I know of (all married over 20 years each) that have flourished due to swinging.. BUT they all went into it prior to marriage, they all are secure in their marriages and they are all in it for the right reasons....
your reason SUCKS. to be honest.
you need to talk to your husband about this lack of sexual satisfaction potentially leading to you cheating/leaving.....
because trust me.... and my 52 years of experience....
SWINGING WILL NOT FIX THIS PROBLEM.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (26 August 2012):
 This is an interesting dilemma. Obviously this would be easier to broach had you continued the swinging fantasy motif.
My observations suggest that younger husbands are often more reluctant whereas experienced husbands are much more relaxed about opening this door. He might surprise you. Might is the operative word. And yes, it could seem odd if this issue fell from the sky and dropped onto the supper table.
Not knowing any details makes it more difficult to offer anything substantive. One approach might be to ask if there could be any way to share those photos or videos -- or perhaps to exchange them. You can try to keep this playful: this is just for fun.
If you're a reader [novels, magazines, etc.], you can always mention finding a story or article about this, and it made you remember that you [plural] used to talk about this. You could add that it seems to be more accepted now than in years past. If that goes over OK, you might consider locating an online article on topic and share it with him for getting his feedback.
I think that the important thing is that you not give up on this -- especially now that your sex drive is in overdrive.
Does any of this work for you?
Mugzie
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Clearly you're not satisfied with what your husband gives you. To say otherwise would be dishonest and he's going to smell a rat. He may not be doing anything wrong, but what he is doing isn't enough or you wouldn't be looking for it elsewhere. Whatever IT is.
He is going to want answers so I suggest you examine your motives and expectations more closely so you can provide them.
What exactly is it you think someone else can give you that your husband can't? Don't tell me, I mean ask yourself.
What clock are you talking about? Do you think swinging is reserved for the young and sexy? People twice your age are doing it so why do you have to be THIS age to do it?
You're going to have to do some fine tuning before you present this to him. You'll have some difficult questions to answer and an awful lot of explaining to do (unless by some fluke he is on the same page and has been fretting over how to present it to you). Knowing why you want this and what exactly you're hoping to get from it will go a long way to helping you with the delivery.
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