A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear alli need your advice. I met a muslim guy online and we have been chatting for nearly 4 month. He is a greatguy but i just find him too controlling. He wants to know my every move. last night i was chatting to a friend on skype and he we was really upset that i was on skype.i flipped i told him i had enough of him monitoring my every move.I just said we keep dont get on, we argue over little things..he is muslim i am christian female.we talk every day ..and now he wants to talk once a week.He says he is always ringing me and i never answer his calls. So i said how about we compromise and ring each three times a week..he said no we talk once a week. So i broke up with him, because i felt this was unacceptable. he rang me several times but i did not answer and i fell asleep.Should I ring him and make up..i miss him lots and i love him..but i really cant handle his controlling ways.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): look in the real world. people finding people online is desperate and thats what you get.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 March 2012):
 No do not ring him
do not make up with him
do not get back together with him.
A GREAT guy is not controlling.
A GREAT guy is not possessive.
When I was in an LDR we spoke at least twice a day his wake up and my bedtime.
we also emailed a lot but he never checked up on me.
he never asked about every move or who I was with.
This is not about how often you should talk on the phone (personally for me I think every day is bare minimum. This is about a man who does not see you as a person but rather a possession that he can control. He refused to compromise with you about how often you talk on the phone... if he saw you as a partner he would have discussed with you what options you two had. Instead, he disrespected you and ordered you about.
This is LDR, you haven't even met him IRL, why subject yourself to this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): It really depends on the distance between you. Is he in another country? You say he is muslim, but that doesn't quite tell me whether is a few hours away, or a few thousand miles away. If he is in another country, then I would think once a week, or even once every 2 weeks is fine, it costs a lot to call ineternationally. I am in a LDR, and I know they can be hard. Do you skype together much, or chat online a lot.The thing that worries me is his controlling behaviour, if he is this controlling now, what would he be like if it wasn't long distance. Not let you out of the house? Keep you from talking to friend's on the phone? Take your phone, keys and wallet so you have to be at his mercy? I think if you can't handle his controlling ways now, then walk away. My best friend had a man whome she loved, she couldn't stand his controlling ways, but she loved him and went back everytime they broke up believing things would change, she even married him, and no he didn;t change at all, but she did. She couldn't hang out with friend's he didn't like, in fact I was the only friend she was "allowed" to have. If she did anything he didn't like he would take her keys, purse and phone and leave her wherever they were, even on the side of the road in the middle of the night. Luckily there was a phone box and she called me reverse charges, so it didn't work that time. My point is be careful. I am sure you do love him, and I know you miss him, but if you can't handle his controlling behaviour, it will only get worse, so stay strong and don't call him. If he realises the mistake he has made and calls you to apologise and wants a second chance, then maybe consider it, but he has to prove he has changed first, you deserve better than this treatment.Good Luck
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