A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How long is average for people to date before the get engaged? I am curious because one of my friends met a guy and married within a year. One of my friends got engaged after a year and married within another six months. Another got engaged three years after she began dating a guy. Yet I see couples who have been together 5-10 years and are not married yet. I have been with my current partners for two and a half years and he has made it quite clear that he doesn't see an engagement occurring in the near future or even within a couple of years. Now I'm not feeling pressure to marry just because my friends are, but I would like him to be open to it happening within two or three years. My family has a history of child birth issues so its better for women in my family to have children while they're still relatively young. I would like to try for children before I'm thirty to maximise the chance of it being successful, and I want to be married before I have children. I'm not religious, I just feel that children are a big commitment and if you're willing to have children then you should be willing to commit to a marriage.How long should people date before becoming engaged? Am I unreasonable to want an engagement within another few years?
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 There is really no standard and it depends solely on the couple and their relationship.
If it is your plan to be engaged or married within the next few years, communicate that with your boyfriend. Tell him that is your wish and see what he says. If he is against it, try to hear him out and the reason why. If you can't accept it, then it may be wise to consider if you want to stay in a relationship that will not lead to the ending you wish.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): It is YOUR future as much as his at stake so for both your sakes you need to clarify NOW that you are on the same wavelength.You don't want to live on a prayer that you'll get married someday without checking if and when this is on his radar too. Sometimes it works out for people, or one person leaves the relationship feeling like like they've wasted their time. I'm all for the direct approach.You say 'he has made it quite clear that he doesn't see an engagement occurring in the near future or even within a couple of years'Ask WHY to this question.You don't have to get married NOW. But you just have to be sure that both of you are working towards the same thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): Just because the average is 2.5 years for example it doesn't mean that you should aim for the same.
People get engaged when they are both ready for an engagement. How long they wait until the wedding also depends on the couple. Some have a 6 month engagement, others have 4 years before they tie the knot.
Personally I was with my boyfriend for 3.5 years before he proposed.
We are going to be engaged for 3 or 4 years before we actually have the wedding. We are both happy with this pace because we have forever to be together and there is simply no need to pander to people who believe we *should* have our wedding in the next year or two.
You know you want to try for children before the age of 30 and that you'd like to be married when this happens. Work backwards and calculate your personal check points.
When you've done that find out from him when HE sees himself getting married and why that particular age. Ie what is he waiting for before the marriage happens.
This is assuming ofcourse that he does want to marry YOU.
He probably hasn't given it much thought but explain to him what you've just said and ask how he feels about that.
Then come to an agreement that hopefully you are both happy with.
Trust your gut on this one. You don't want to waste your time with someone who doesn't want to get married to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): I don't know how it is in your country but here in US people date forever, and by that I mean sometimes it goes beyond 5 years.
I think it's very smart of you to have a child by 30, but I don't think it will happen with you current partner. If you are 25, and he is not going to be even engaged to you in a near future it may mean that he might not be ready another 5 years.
Guys can become fathers at any age, for us girls time is very limited. After 35 statistically this is when women start have fertility problems. Of course there ar e plenty who don't, but plenty who do.
I think for you to ask him this is very reasonable. If he doesn't want a family now who know if he would want it in a future. It also depends how old he is. If he is in your age range, for a guy it's very young.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): I was with my ex for nearly eight years and he refused to talk about the future towards the end. He kept putting it off for years. So I left him as I couldn't keep going on a maybe. I was 28 when we broke up. I am with my current boyfriend for two years. And like the poster below, we have financial obstacles before we can marry. Debts. He's starting a business, we both staying with our parents for a while to save for a house. So while I imagine if the money was there I am sure he would ask me to marry him (somewhere in the 2 and a half year mark!) He wants to do it properly and also believes that engagement s should be done when you are ready to marry ... Financially speaking or otherwise.
I also think that it depends on age and country. People here in Ireland seem to average marriage at the age of thirty. Some are together from high school and don't marry for ten years. Others meet in their late thirties and marry in two or so years.
Lots of variable s in my opinion so I don't think there is such an average time other than statistics in the US.
Also. I think it's only fair to you if your boyfriend talks seriously about it with you in the next couple of years. Find out his concerns... And tell him yours. It's long enough to figure out if it's the person you want to be with
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 FWIW, I don't know about Australia but there's a recent sudy ( 2011 ) which says the average dating time in USA before official engagement is 2.8 years. Another says 2.4 years. Not a big difference.
It would seem that THE moment ( if we have to head stats, then again, they may have interviewed a largish no. of individuals, but surely they did not ask all the womrn of the world, or just of USA... ) is 2 and a half years. It make sense. I think by then one has got time to decide if it's forever or not.
Then again, there may be financial reasons to delay things. I am not just talking about an engagement ring or the costs of the wedding ceremony ( which though can be VERY high for people who want to do things " properly " , according to tradition ) ; also about being able to afford a place to live together, whether it means shelling out for a down payment, or just.. getting out of your parents' home. AND, earning enough to support a child ( or more ) for people who want kids in the short term.
Because, what's the point of announcing your engagement... if you can't get married ? An engagement means precisely " I CAN get married and I CAN set a date ". Not " I will get married if and when I can, maybe in 5 years or 7 , who knows ... " .
So, the WILL to be married may be there at the 2 or 3 years mark, the actual possibility, that's another thing.
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