A
female
age
41-50,
*acqs
writes:We've been together 5 1/2 years and I confronted my boyfriend about something he disrespected me about. It was actually a comment he posted on another girls picture on Facebook. Good ol social media causing problems but he apologized and deleted the comment. But I still felt like it was VERY uncalled for unless he were single. I know that there is nothing going on with this girl or any one else but I still went off on him pretty good and we haven't talked since which its been 4 days now. The most we haven't talked after an argument is 3-4 days and When he has been the one in the wrong he has no problem with being the one to admit it and initiate contact with me where we usually talk it out and were back to normal again. Now he was definitely in the wrong but I still haven't heard from him. I don't know what to think. Maybe he knows how furious I was and figured he needs to give me my space and let me calm down?? All I want him to understand is that it was very disrespectful to me because I am very loyal to him and am always doing for him. I go above and beyond for not only him but his son as well. So just wondering If I should give in and contact him or stand my ground and wait it out a little longer? And how much longer should I wait it out? I feel that he was in the wrong so he should be the one to contact me. Im trying to prove a point but not trying to cut my nose to spite my face either. It's killing me not talking to him tho. We talk every day, several times a day and don't go more than 1 or 2 day without seeing each other.
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 January 2016):
 The whole silent treatment that you BOTH use is childish if you ask me.
What he did was wrong, and he is OLD enough to know so. He corrected it, apologized and expected you to accept that and move on. YOU wanted to chastise him but NOT talking to him and have him "crawl" back to you. But so far he hasn't.
He can't read your mind, so he doesn't know that he is SUPPOSED to be the one to talk to you. Could be he thinks he ought to back off till YOU are no longer mad at him.
So you are at a stand off.
WHY not call him and talk this over. TELL him exactly why you got mad and talk some boundaries. Silent treatment doesn't fix the issue. TALKING about it, might.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2016): It depends how important an issue it is to you. He might not be calling because maybe he feels suffocated. I agree he shouldn't be making inappropriate comments to other women. But guys KNOW when they do something wrong. He knows what he did without you having to point it out. Sometimes men do stuff to test the waters in their relationship. To see how closely you are watching. How invested you are. See how much he can get away with. As for you are concerned, often the best reaction is NO reaction. I've observed married couples doing similar things and it's kind of funny, as an observer. I observed a married couple once where the husband was very flirty with other girls at a party. And he would always peer back at the wife to gauge her reaction, see if she'd noticed. Meanwhile she hadn't. She was standing with some girlfriends chatting. So he went and stood next to her, expecting a reaction. She had no reaction, she yawned, said something about feeling bored and kept talking with the girlfriends. When he got no reaction from her, he stopped his stupid game and never left her side for the rest of the party. Ok so he commented on some girls picture. If it were something to worry about he would've done it in SECRECY not in plain sight for you to see. Don't give so much attention to his stupid games. Yawn at it. Cause if you let him know it bothers you, he's going to keep pushing your buttons. He knows what he did. He knew you would see it. He got a reaction out of you. And now he knows how vigilant you are over him. And rather insecure. So stop doing that. Don't act insecure, be confident. Be more aloof. Act like you don't notice cause chances are he's just playing games. As for calling him, I don't see the harm. But regardless who calls who first, the most important point is to choose your battles more wisely from now on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 January 2016):
 "Sounds" to me like you're willing to throw the relationship "under the bus".... because YOU think you should castrate "B/F" for this indiscretion... WHICH in discretion he corrected promptly....
Ask yourself: Is it worth it to dump the entire relationship for your fragile sensitivities???? Or, are you willing to become an adult and let this sort of thing "go"......????
The answer will tell you what your romantic future will entail...
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2016): "Now he was definitely in the wrong but I still haven't heard from him." For good reason. He apologized and deleted the offending comment yet you still went off on him. What more could he do?"I feel that he was in the wrong so he should be the one to contact me."He probably feels that you were in the wrong so you should be the one to contact him, and I can't say I disagree. "[I'm] trying to prove a point but not trying to cut my nose to spite my face either."And exactly what is the point you're trying to prove? That you have the right to continue throwing his perceived transgressions in his face for as long as you please despite his best efforts to resolve your complaints? If your relationship is so volatile that arguments resulting in 3-4 days of silence are somewhat regular occurrences, then perhaps he is using this time to seriously reconsider if continuing to put up with your explosive behavior is worth it. I can only hope he will do what is best for his son, and maybe he'll decide that means preventing any further exposure to your moods.
...............................
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (16 January 2016):
Yes, I think you should contact him (if you're wanting the relationship to continue.)
He did wrong, you got angry, he apologised and tried to rectify his mistake (by taking the comment down). Is he supposed to keep apologising?
Unless you feel his apology wasn't genuine, he's done his bit now and it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to accept his apology and bury the hatchet.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2016): I think it's very immature to not talk to each other after an argument. He apologised and deleted the comment. He ALREADY admitted he was in the wrong. Accept his apology and stop playing games. I don't blame him for not contacting you if this is the way you punish him after everything he does wrong.
You've had your time of being upset and showing off hasn't worked for u this time so maybe it's time to give in and contact him.
...............................
|
