A
female
age
41-50,
*otebook123
writes:I've been dating this guy for about 2.5 months. Last night I was at his house and we were messing around and he started to undress me. Just before we started dating I gained about 10 lbs, and even though I know my weight/body is average, I'm very self conscious about it. Usually when we have sex, it's either dark or we're under the covers or something. Last night, however, all the lights are on and I feel like it's the first time that he really looked at my whole body like that. Prior to last night, I thought he liked me and everything was going well. He's a good looking guy with decent body, and today I just feel like he's not into me anymore because of my body. I know this might sound ridiculous and petty, and I know that he should be into me for more than my body, but if he isn't physically attracted to me then the relationship won't succeed anyway. I guess my question is this: if he's into me otherwise, how likely is it that he'll stop wanting to see me b/c I could stand to lose a few pounds? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Insecurity and self-consciousness always show through, unfortunately. Confidence is attractive, so it makes sense that the opposite would be unattractive, right? Your insecurity is more likely to turn him off than a few extra pounds.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 What happened?
Apparently you had sex with the light on last night and now you think he isn't into you? Why? Did he not get into you?
5 kilo's ain't all that much and as you have dated and apparently had sex in the dark before I am fairly certain he knows what size you are and since you had the weight before he met you, I presume he liked what he saw.
I think you are overreacting to... well what exactly? WHAT HAPPENED?
Do you what men REALLY cannot stand? Contant insecurity by women, constantly having to walk on eggshels and worry what unspoken worth or body movement might be misintrepeted next.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Aww sweety relax. If he didn't say anything specific I DOUBT he even noticed what you think is a problem. If he's been with you this long he obviously likes you for more than just your body. And if he's intimate with you he doesn't care what your body looks like as long as he's getting access to it. Guys don't notice those small things, he's just happy to be with you. Just relax and be confident in whatever body you have. Lack of confidence and insecurities will end up ruining your relationship. If he didn't like your body he wouldn't be with you. I agree with the other posters not all guys like the real skinny girls. If you have a little extra weight it makes you look more like a woman and not so much like a teenager.
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 If he doesnt accept your body then get rid of him....a man should want all of you....is he perfect im sure not....dont change for ANY man!
If you are unhappy with your weight then you can always diet but do it for yourself not any man!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I feel a bit like this too. I was very thin and have gained 6lbs and being v small can see it on my stomach in particular. My fiance is in v good shape and constantly talks about women being fat and makes me v self conscious. As rhythm and blues has said if he liked you with your clothes on then there is no issue as he knows what your shape is like and if anything clothes can sometimes make us look bigger. if it bothers you work on losing the weight, you can get 10lbs off with a little exercise and less food. This is an insecurity thing and I have it too. If he is making you feel self conscious and uncomfortable then you need to examine if you really want to be with him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): What did he do that makes you think he's not into you anymore?
If the answer is nothing, then really you shouldn't worry about it.
Newsflash for you, most of us guys don't like skinny girls, we like women, with natural figures, not with bodies shaped like a 13 year old girls. The idea that we do is unfounded, while there are guys who are attracted to skinny girls in general we don't, I know this from many a discussion with other guys.
Girls only try to be skinny so they can compete with each other, we really don't care nor notice.
Don't take this the wrong way but it's more likely that your insecurity about your body that will drive him away.
There is no bigger turn off than a woman that won't let you enjoy her body because she's insecure about it.
Do yourself a favour and learn to let him in, feed off his desire for your body and try not to think about yourself so much in bed.
It's been 2.5 months now, he's been studying your body in and out of clothes for that long and he's still there, so stop and worrying and enjoy the moment.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (5 October 2009):
 So did this guy actually do or say anything to make you feel like he's not into you anymore? Or are you just afraid that he isn't? And let me put it to you in another way... if ten pounds of weight is what stands between him and you, then good riddance!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Don't worry about it. A lot of guys like a few extra pounds to grab on to. You probably have more cleavage now, compared to when you were 10 pounds lighter. And, if he's like most guys, that's worth the extra weight you may be carring. Anyways, 10 pounds is nothing. I think you're worrying about nothing. And, if he's that superficial, do you want him anyway?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Wow, you are really insecure about yourself....why do we women obsess about weight?
Most men are just happy to have a naked woman in their bed, if he likes you with your clothes on then I don't think he thinks you are too fat...and if he did there is something wrong with him for going to bed with you in the first place.
Just realize that having sex with a guy does not make him love you, in fact it can often be a way to remain emotionally distant.
If you want to feel more secure in the relationship, then you need to focus on the foundation of friendship, not sex.
If you have a shakey foundation then having sex too early can ruin your chances for anything long term. I am sorry it just can really mess things up....so just because you had sex with him doesn't mean you have to continue if you don't feel comfortable.
Tell him you think you got in over your head and you want to slow things down and just date him for awhile and get to know him better, that you lost control because he is so handsome...(you don't want him to think you did not like the sex or him).....and when you feel he is really into you and loves you, then you might feel confident in giving the most intimate part of yourself to him.
This isn't about your weight.
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