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How do you terminate a toxic friendship?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2009)
A female Canada, anonymous writes:

Hoping someone can help here. I have a friend who I am trying to end the friendship with as I have had enough. There are plenty of articles on how to end a relationship but not much on terminating a friendship. This girl tends to be really rude to me, often in front of others and she has done it one too many times. I had thought of fixing her up with a friend of mine but know that it will not be long before she turns her passive aggressive streak on him. I have told her before that I find her behaviour offensive and now want nothing to do with her. She keeps calling here, more because I think she is worried that I will no longer help her to meet this guy and it is true that I will not now. I have tried to speak to her about her rudeness but I have not gotten through...so how do I do this and what makes people be rude to others like that. I do think it is a question of upbringing or perhaps she was not checked when she was growing up as she is an only child. Should I just keep dodging her calls?

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A female reader, Eyespy17 United States +, writes (23 January 2009):

Yes, I agree. If u have expressed how you feel and she hasn't changed, then time to go. Dodge the calls, or just be too busy if she does get u on the phone. If she doesn't fade away, and stop calling, then that's a much more seious issue.

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A female reader, Plexi United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2009):

Plexi agony auntShe is projecting her insecurities it sounds like. Mean people often act the way they feel inside. i.e. they feel like they are not good enough for whatever reason...and act this way to push people away so they wont have a chance to be hurt. she might also be jelouse of you and act this way because she is projection her anger at once again.......not being good enough. I dont believe in an eye for an eye so you should not stoop down to her lever and act the same way please. yes just ignore her calls and most definitely do not set her up with your friend because 1)you want to set up our friends with good people not....... and 2)she will embarass you and make you look bad as your other friend will wonder about you to how you can be friends with a person like her.

there is a sayin, something like tell me who your friends are so i can tell what kind of person you are. who we assiciate with is an indirect reflection on what kind of people we are or want to be.

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (23 January 2009):

Cerberus agony auntYou need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you have had enough of being her friend and that want her to leave you alone.

People can be rude for a number of reasons, but the main reason I find is that they're unhappy with life or themselves and it's easier to take out your frustrations on others than it is to deal with your own problems.

You've tried to reason with her, you even tried to help but that's as much as you can do, make it very clear to her that you want her to stay away from you. But be nice! She could have some very serious issues you don't know about.

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A female reader, Lib1 United States +, writes (23 January 2009):

Lib1 agony auntIts just like breaking up with an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend. You stand up to them and let them know that you don't believe some of there behavior has been appropriate or warranted (don't go into to detail, that is a trap to continue an argument. Then say I won't go into detail but I no longer think we have much in common anymore, in fact, I don't think there is enough for us to even be friends anymore.

I've done this a couple times in college. Thats when you meet the TRUE crazies. Good luck!

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A female reader, lacexoxo22 United States +, writes (23 January 2009):

lacexoxo22 agony auntYup. If you have told her about how her behavior bugs you and is not appreciated and she continued to be the bitch you described her to be, the best thing you can do is ignore her completely. She'll get the hint and eventually leave you alone. Don't talk to her, dont answer her calls, dont contact any mutual friends you may have had together, nothing...just total isolation. Good luck, hope this helps.

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