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How do I work with a woman who is difficult and has an unwilling attitude?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 August 2020) 7 Answers - (Newest, 7 August 2020)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello, This question is not related to love. I’d like to ask your opinion about how to deal with a female co-worker while working from home.

I manage HR and Admin. She is the Admin Assistant at one of our offices located in another State. She is required to update monthly reports for me and place them in our Company’s shared drive. She updates the projects employees in her location work on and any vacation or time off they take and reports them to me on a monthly basis... it used to be on a weekly basis, but she decided to change it to updating once a month. I let it go because since I only do my reporting to upper management once a month, it was fine for me. But I feel like every month I have to send her a reminder to update the reports. Most times, I find errors in them because I cross check her reporting against various email exchanges regarding projects and time off. Often times I have to email her asking her to make corrections. She never appears apologetic for her mistake, rather just says “well, it should’ve been this or that”. When I ask her for more information she appears to be annoyed and wants to know why I’m asking, questioning me! Of course I need the info for reporting purposes, and if she’d just work a little more on her communication, I wouldn’t have to keep asking. I know she is not busy and barely working, I know her work load, so I know I’m not burdening her with my requests, which should already be made available and I shouldn’t have to ask!

My question is, should I speak to my boss about this? My boss is a VP, so he oversees both her, her direct boss, and myself. I don’t want to appear like I am complaining but it’s been so difficult to work with this woman who has such an unwilling attitude!

View related questions: co-worker, I work with, my boss

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2020):

Prepare a memo outlining the procedure you have set for your assistant to prepare reports, and the time-schedules you wish to receive those reports.

Establish deadlines for pertinent information; and see that she adheres to your schedules and guidelines. You do not allow the assistant to make changes without running them by you first. When you find errors, address them with her, and insist they be corrected. Politely ask that she not make comment or excuses during reviews and follow-up; unless she has already made those corrections, and they are prepared to be forwarded to you at once.

Contact your assistant, and have regular telecom or ZOOM meetings to go over the "established" and proper procedure; allowing for questions, and not allowing flack, interruptions, or backtalk. Things got out of control; because YOU dropped the ball. First, by allowing unauthorized-changes in procedure; and second by allowing insubordination when you address issues regarding procedure and errors. You do not need to be copying emails all over the place; because that would make it seem as though you have lost control over the matter. If you plan to reprimand the employee; then it is necessary to maintain record and follow-up according to your company's set protocols.

When employees become difficult or stray from normal procedure; the manager's job is to supervise, regain, and maintain order and workflow. Not allow personal-feelings and intimidation to cause chaos and slow the workflow. Your job is on the line when you lose the ability to maintain supervision over your staff. Your work-evaluation and performance-review is based on YOUR performance; not excuses about what your assistant did or didn't do. The buck stops with YOU!!!

Whenever you address problems with your assistant; remain professional, businesslike, and to the point. There should be no emotional exchanges; and no resistance to your instructions. The title "manager" was added to your name; so manage the job, and get it done right!

When employees decide they do not wish to carry-out their tasks according to procedure, and when you want them executed; you show them the door, and replace them. If you must, start seeking her replacement. The bottom-line is all the Corporate-president, VP, CEO, and executive-management care about. Restoring/maintaining order, getting the job done, and dealing with petty issues with your staff is your job.

I'm a regional-director for an international corporation. I've been in your shoes, and I know exactly where you're coming from. She needs her job, and you need yours as much as she does. You allowed her to push-back, you made your own job that much harder.

Immediately send her the emailed memo outlining procedure as you wish it to be followed. Follow it up with a phone and/or video-conference. You do all the talking; and let her do all the listening. Save questions and remarks for the end of the meeting. NO INTERRUPTIONS!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 August 2020):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree with Youcannotbeserious,

Start out with ASKING her, (I'd personally e-mail her - so you have the "chain of evidence" (so to speak) that it was brought up with her.) And ask her what's going on. Because you have noticed that she has decided to go from 4 times a month to once time but the accuracy and timeliness has gone down. (now she might have talked to her boss and got the "permission" to only send one once a month - she might have other issues going on that she either don't WANT to talk about or haven't thought about mentioning. Such as if she is working from home and have her kids home too, can be HARD to get the time to get stuff done - NOT that it's a valid excuse, but it might be the reasoning. It can be they are understaffed and she is spread thin doing other stuff.

See what comes up. IF she doesn't really give you any explanation (maybe she believes she OWES you no explanation and "you are not her boss")

Then I'd LET HER KNOW how things are going to be. 1. she send the number/reports by X date - IF you HAVE to spend time CORRECTING her work, the bosses will be CC'd.

If you need the numbers/reports on the 15th - I would send out an e-mail on the 10th and then no further "reminders" because she KNOWS what she is supposed to do.

If she fails to send them on time, NOTE it in an e-mail, to HER and CC your boss/her boss.

BUT of course before you DO that.... check what the normal procedure is, if there is one. If not... Well, you ARE running HR. How do YOU think this should be dealt with?

TRY not to "guess" what's going on. TALK to her. Offer her help and support and she she doesn't want that... YOU still need to do YOUR end of the job, and this is where YOU have to figure out HOW to best go about it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2020):

Why don't you just tell her :'I need those reports weekly ..every Friday..So make sure you submit before 3pm Friday!'

That way you have more time to keep track of her efforts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2020):

As you have probably noticed, over the years, working in the HR, not all people have the same communication skills.

Some people, to make matters worse, also suffer from social anxiety, and other types of anxiety and maybe even depression.

Unfortunately, no matter how much they suffer in silence, they come off as difficult, rude, provocative...

To further complicate matters, people who are simply lazy, irresponsible, egotistic... also appear as provocative, rude and overall difficult.

I would wait a little before going to the boss and set certain goals with her. If she doesn't fulfill them i'd move the matter upstairs. However I wouldn't go empty-handed. I hope that you have saved all the reports she has sent you, along with all the corrections you have made. Your boss needs to SEE how bad of a worker she is. I understand that you have used this site to vent, but what you've written alone won't be enough with your boss.

You have to know by now that relationships with others are the hardest thing in a workplace, not the work itself.

When communicating with her make sure that your message is simple and clear. Always and I mean ALWAYS leave a written trail. Do not just talk to her. Make sure that you have emails to prove that she had been notified in time, that you always have to remind her to do the things she agreed on doing regularly...

It suck I know. It adds to your workload. But, regardless of what he reasons might be, she is acting in an unprofessional manner and you need to be able to prove that. Many people when cornered resort to blaming those who accuse them of negligence.

Whatever you do, do it gently, with a smile and lose the judging attitude.

In the end, you will look bad.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (7 August 2020):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAs someone who's been around in the retail and office environment for more years than I want to remember, I have found from experience that the best way to get people "on side" is to befriend them. Be extra nice to them. Go that extra mile for them. You will be surprised how often they suddenly start putting in real effort when you make that "connection" with them. Do you have a chat with this lady when you phone her, or do you just keep the conversation strictly business? Perhaps showing a little interest in her as a person could win her round?

I can totally understand how frustrating, not to mention time-consuming, it can be to have to check someone's work and to keep finding mistakes. (I have this problem at the moment with a member of staff who works under me and it sometimes has me sighing in frustration and thinking I might as well do the job myself).

Would it be appropriate to speak with this lady and say something like, "I keep finding the same sort of mistakes every month in your figures. Would you be able to find the time to just check everything before sending it to me?" or "Is there any training we can offer to help you with your job?" (the latter as you are part of the HR Dept whose responsibility it is to provide adequate training for staff).

The other possibility here (again, going from experience) is that she is resentful for some reason and this is how she is showing that resentment - by dragging her feet and putting in minimal effort. Perhaps she feels that, as you check her work anyway, she might as well not bother putting in the effort to get it right and it's easier just to wait for you to pick up the mistakes? Perhaps she is not happy in her job and just "can't be bothered" because her job is boring/not sufficiently challenging?

Regarding chasing the figures each month, I would simply put a note in my calendar for each month and just drop her a friendly email saying "Heh, that time of month again. Could you let me have your figures?" or give her a quick call and say "Heh, how are things with you? Just a little reminder that I need your figures today."

I find it interesting that you sound intimidated by this lady. You have just rolled over and accepted monthly submission of figures rather than weekly, even though you know the figures will need checking and it will put added pressure on you each month.

Not sure if there is anything in my post which helps. I think I have just been "thinking aloud". Hope something helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2020):

OP here... Thank you Aunty Babbit. Normally I’d have fired her, but this company I’m working for is extremely patient with their employees and do not fire anyone... in 20 years, they’ve only fired two employees, both had drug addictions. This is not the first with this woman, I’ve given her 2 previous warnings. One was because every time she takes a vacation, she drops everything... even with simple tasks as making sure cups and utensils are stocked in the break room before going on vacation, she would not do it and leave the break room empty. Her direct manager at the location had to run to Walmart. Another warning was that she has to communicate and follow up, she promises to do so.. and then reverts back to old habits after a week or so. I’m not the only one that finds it difficult to work with her.. but again, can’t fire her. I want to say something to my boss, but I know it’s not going to change anything. We had a team meeting this morning where she was one of the people that needed to call in and give my boss and I an update on what they’ve been working on lately.. she didn’t even call in, her direct manager covered up for her. I think at this point I’m just venting cuz there’s really nothing I can do. Our company just doesn’t believe in firing people, and especially not during this pandemic.

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A female reader, Aunty Babbit United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2020):

Aunty Babbit agony auntYou work in HR so what action would you take if another member of staff came to you with the same problem? What would you advise them to do?

I think firstly you need to find out if this woman is experiencing any problems, either with the job itself or personally. She may be experiencing depression or anxiety.

Are you able to discuss this with her or is there an HR manager who can step in and do this.

I think if you approach this from an angle of concern for her rather than an annoyance for you then you're not to going to come across badly.

I am surprised though, you're implying this woman is incompetent yet you work in HR and appear to be very judgemental before knowing the full circumstances and then at loss as to how to handle the situation.

It sounds like there is a distinct lack of communication in your workplace and that's never a good thing.

I hope you get this sorted out and this helps ABx

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