A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:After my last 2 girlfriends cheated, how can I fully trust women or girls again? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): no i think you should give girls another chance. not all of them are trustworthy but then neither are boys. we (girls) get annoyed pretty easily. Although i can't go minutes without talking to someone, i have friends who could go months without speaking to someone. you should try and speak to her again. Maybe turn up to her front door and explain the situation. if she doesnt see that it was all a mistake then ahhh well her problem. hopefully it will work out..good luck :D
A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (19 May 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I made the mistake of calling my friend (who's a girl) a girlfriend last month, and she wouldn't even let me explain! To me, thats petty! Thats another reason for not trusting women fully. What do you think?
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 No, writing a letter in this situation reveals a weakness. I would not write a letter. Sit tight, and wait for her to contact you. There is nothing more you can do. You cannot force someone to want to be with you, nor would you want to. I suggest you get busy with some friends, family or just go out and try to meet other people. BE CONFIDENT! I know it hurts, and turns your guts inside out, but cheer up, it's only temporary.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (10 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWould writing a letter to her help?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (10 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen we first started going out, she used to text me all the time saying 'I love you'. Although she doesn't like clingy people, she texted me 3 times in 8 minutes once! And then when I do something to upset her, she puts up emotional barriers
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (10 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have been together 3 months - I haven't got much experience with women either!
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Well you don't mention how long the two of you have been seeing each other. Just because she goes out with you a few times and spends the night occassionally does not mean she's exclusive to you, or that she loves you. You may be thinking 'relationship' and she's just thinking 'fling'. Also some women have difficulty expressing themselves when you do something that bothers them so rather than talk about it, she's blowing you off. With what little info you have given us, it's really hard to say.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (9 August 2007):
You're asking her to respond too much. People generally don't liike other people that are too "needy". Women especially don't like emotionally needy men. Wait for her to contact you back. I eouldn't put too much stock inthis relationship. It sounds like it's time to move on. The next question for you to ask yourself is, "what do I do with the next girl I meet and date?" How do I not make the same mistakes with the next girl. Do you realize the mistakes you are making? Do you know how not to appear needy?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (9 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have asked her by text and email; no reply since she left on Saturday; so the only other think I could do is go down to her Mum's house and ask her to give a written letter to her from me
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (9 August 2007):
Why the strange behavoir? Did you ask her. If it repeated itself, then there is probably only one or two major reasons. I would interpret that behavior as she doesn't want to get too close. Meaning she may have loved you or loved being with you for fun and laughs, but she wasn't in love with you. As you pointed out, she had someone on the side which explains her behavior. There are ways to have a woman "fall in love with you". It's about how you act or treat them, the kind of person they are is only part of it, and not 100% fullproof. Oh my god, there have been nuns cheating on God with the priest. What kind of women would you have thoguht they would be?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Its simple. Just try to pick and choose girls that lack the personality traits of your ex girlfriends.
Cheaters really do have certain character traits. The more you date, the more experience you gain, and the easier it is to see right through people BEFORE you get involved.
My advice to you is don't get serious with anyone just yet and try to date a little bit so that you can become familiar with what girls are like and what qualities you should look for or avoid next time.
There are RED FLAGS. You just missed them and forged ahead.
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (9 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem with my second gf was that, when she was in a mood with me, she wouldn't tell me what the problem was. For example, when she stayed the night, we would be getting on well and having a laugh that evening, and next morning, she'd go silent on me and wouldnt even say goodbye when I took her round the station, or not even thank me for letting her stay! And then she wouldn't text or email me for a week after. Why the strange behaviour and change of heart?
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (8 August 2007):
You need to get better at knowing yourself and reading the signs in the relationship. Some people simply fall too quickly for someone and then they become blinded by their love, unaware that there's a problem until it's too late. You don't have to be paranoid, always questioning their every move, but you need to pay closer attention to things going on around you in the relationship. Changes in her behavior, emotional distance, spending more time with "friends", or working longer hours, always keeping her cell phone off when you're together, or acting mysterious in other ways. As you get to know someone new, listen to what she tells you at the beginning of the relationship. Sometimes it's pretty obvious if someone just wants a "fling" or they're really serious about being with you, but all too often, we hear what we want to hear and ignore the rest because we've already fallen for them. Just take things slow, get to know each other gradually. Don't rush into sex or move too quickly, and you will find the right person in time. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): Find the right woman. Not all women cheat. I wouldn't cheat on my b.f. As you get older, you may realize that women mature too.
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male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (8 August 2007):
I think there are things that you can do to prevent most women from cheating. The first thing you have to do is "Be a Man".
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 August 2007):
 You can trust girls if you understand that nobody is responsible for anybody else's actions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): There are also men who deceive, and this doesn't mean you, as a man - are responsible for what they did. The worst mistake you can do is treat girls as if they are all guilty or have a tendency to cheat. Of course you have to be precautious, because you know how it feels to have your trust trampled. You are inevitably more unvulnerable now though, but don't raise an impenetrable shield against every person, that is the second worst mistake. You'll see how these experiences will give you more intuition, more precaution. But do offer the people that come in your life the chance to... show you how they are. Hiding from them is not a solution, nor is maximizing the problems, we've all suffered unpleasant surprises. You'll do better in time, I promise. PS. You ask "fully trust." No, that is not compulsory, plus it develops in time. Why should I fully trust you because you borrow me your coat on a rainy weather? Not a good example, but I've seen people too enthusiastic over that. Anyway, in time life will teach me if you have good intentions etc. Sometimes it's worth this time, sometimes it doesn't... Take care there
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