A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some outside opinions on how I can tell my parents about my pregnancy. I don't want to add to the pressure they are under by telling them I'm 17 weeks pregnant, but it's going to get increasingly hard to hide, and I feel everything is a mess and need advice.I support myself, work full-time in a job I love, have my own house/car, and am getting on great with my bf of 2 years - we were looking for somewhere to live together when I found out about the pregnancy. It was not planned (I was using contraception) but we had talked about wanting children some time in the next year or two, so we're both happy. My bf's family seem really happy for us too.The thing is, my bf hasn't met most of my family yet 'cos my family's a big mess. His family is pretty much perfect in comparison - parents still happily married after 30 years, siblings all get on great. Whereas with me, my family is complicated. My brother is severely disabled and requires 24 hour support, which my Dad provides. This leaves my Dad exhausted as my brother doesn't really sleep at night. My parents are divorced. My Mum is hardly ever in the country, and I'm really cross with her and my other sibling as they never help out with my brother....it's just always me and my Dad. My bf has met my disabled brother (who's opinion is important to me!) and they get on ok :) My Dad is always exhausted, so it hasn't yet felt right to introduce them-the opportunity hasn't arisen. And I always end up arguing with my Mum and other sibling, and they're hardly here, so again, my bf has not had chance to meet them.I was really hoping he'd be able to meet my Dad (at least) in the next few months, and then I found out about the pregnancy, and don't know what to do. I want my bf to meet my Dad before we break the news of the pregnancy, but don't know how to make it happen.My other problem is, I don't know how to tell my Dad. I'm worried he'll be anxious that me being pregnant/having a baby will mean I can't help him with caring for my brother (I currently go home twice weekly) as much, and that he'll feel he has even less support, which may upset him and stress him out, and I'm worried it'll make him feel negatively towards our baby (who'll be his first grandchild!). Each time I see my Dad, I want to tell him, but usually my Dad is stressed about some aspect of caring for my brother, and I listen to him, and then take my brother to my place, so my Dad never really has chance to ask me how I am, and I can't find the right time to tell him my news, or to say I really want him to meet my bf (which I do, as I'm very proud of both my bf and my Dad, and would like them to know each other).I'm really stuck :(My bf is understanding about it all, but obviously would like to meet my family, and worries we're being disrespectful by not sharing our news :(Thanks for reading.What would you do in my situation?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 You're 17 weeks pregnant, the more you delay telling him, the more awkward it will become. You should have done this the very day you discovered that you were pregnant. Anyway, do it now without any more dilly-dallying. You have nothing to feel guilty about because you are a grown woman capable of making her own decisions and you are in a loving, committed relationship. You are entitled to your own life and happiness and your purpose is not just to share in the worries of your family. You've been a wonderful daughter and you will continue to stand by your family, so there is nothing to feel bad about.
Introduce your boyfriend to your father first, and then tell your father. Once he knows who the guy is, he will also be at ease. Don't worry about your father's reaction, I'm sure he will be very happy for you. Having a grandchild in the family will surely lighten things up and be a cause for celebration
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): I've never been in your shoes, but frankly it just sounds like you're ashamed of your family...and I do know what that feels like and have had hesitancy about introducing people to them.
I would say introduce them properly first. Have your boyfriend over for a family meal. Then tell your parents solo after the fact. I suspect, that your dad and your boyfriend would appreciate that gesture from you.
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