A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I'm 25 yet my parents have always been overly strict, controlling and verbally abusive. I can't stand how they never want me to leave home even though I'm a grown adult. I've always done the right thing and been a A grade student. Yet I'm always treated like a teenager. I have a lot of resentment against me. I can never understand why they treat me like this, it's undeserved. Their beliefs are very 1950s. And they play favourites and give my younger siblings more independance. I never want to be like them. They always have double standards and flat out lie. They think you have to be married just to leave home. Yet I keep getting rejected romantically coz I'm an adult and still live at home. I never want to be like them at all. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 I would say time to move out and once that is done feel free to explain to them everything that they are doing wrong. Other then that the best thing you can do is explain to your siblings why it is wrong and to show them how to be better adults.
Living at home is probably not the only issue but I would say it is the route of the problem. Since you are surrounded by your parents who you don't want to be like I can imagine it would be hard to convey yourself as a desirable mate.
Moving out and clearing your mind would probably be the best thing for you.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (8 May 2012):
You can veto their parenting style all you want, tell them you hate it, but it's not going to change after all these years and you're on their turf. As long as you live in your parents home (no matter your age), you still abide by their rules.
Another long shot suggestion, would be to ask if they would be interested in doing a family counseling to sort out issues. Then again, they would have to be on board. Who would foot the bill? In addition, it's most likely not going to change their parenting style.
If you don't like it, then you can leave. Obtain a job, find a roommate to spilt costs, and move out. That solves your love life and you clashing with your parents.
...............................
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (8 May 2012):
Just because you are related doesn't mean the bonds are that strong, or that you all have to think the same. You are old enough to make a break for freedom. Go for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Enya1979 +, writes (8 May 2012):
 Even so they think that you have to be married to leave home, you don't need their permission to leave. get an apartment and go. If your afraid to lose them if you leave, believe me you won't. They will understand with the time.
I left home when i was 18 and all turned out to be fine.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 May 2012):
 You live in a free country, move out and get your own place. At 25 it's high time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (8 May 2012):
 Easy one first; you're not being rejected romantically because you're an adult who still lives at home. If you are being rejected it could be that potential suitors sense you're desperate to leave home and see marriage as the ticket out. Who wants that?
The other reason is you simply haven't found the right person at the right time.
As for your parents, I suspect they may employ a double standard because they are either more protective of you or they think you're capable of more than your siblings are. Are your siblings boys or girls or both? What kind of age difference are we talking about? Are the siblings close in age to each other? Is there a cultural element to this as well? Not much information to go on.
At the end of the day you cannot control them and if they see you as a child, you won't have much influence either. You can show them how grown up you are by getting a job that pays enough to support yourself, saving up and moving out. They can complain all they like but when you have your own home, you won't be around to hear it.
...............................
|
