A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I having been problems over the last year. It started with him accusing me of cheating on him and leaving me. We desided to work things out but I found he was still chatting with females on match.com. I canceled that account and then found him talking sexual to ex girlfriends on facebook. Every time I confront him he always turns it around on me and makes it my fault. Well i found an email he sent himself to work about an eroIic massage pallor, shortly after $60 went missing and the address is in his gps. I love my husband and want us to work but I know that we both need councling. My question is how to I tell him I know of this without starting world war 3.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): You have the patience of a saint,and a husband who knows it. I have been through the behavior you are living with and it looks like online cheating and being accused at the same time go together. Leave him to it and get away from the torment. It isn't going to go away. If he begs and says he won't do it again,he will do it and hide it better. It looks like he pays for sex and gets the equaly desperate women online at any cost. Nothings going to stop that. I don't envy any person who's living with it. Like you I put up with it way too long and left. I don't look back all I see is disgust,and so should you. I would print everything you see for chances he says you left for a man which is likely.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 February 2011):
 I applaud you for wanting to go to marriage counseling and taking the necessary steps to fix your marriage. However, the thing with marriage counseling is both parties have to agree to go and have to be willing to fix what is broken. That is if it's repairable. The marriage counselors have the necessary tools to give you in fixing your marriage, however most of the work is done by you and your husband outside of the session. You two have to listen and take away something from each session, then apply it to your home life. Results aren't instant, and it's going to take some time. As long as he's willing and patient then marriage counseling will help you two sort out your problems.
You need to sit him down and flat out tell him. There's no skipping around this, or trying to tell him lightly. This is his last life line in fixing this marriage. If he wants to better this marriage then he'll go, if not then he will fall back into his cheating ways. That would be your cue to pack your bags, leave, and mail him divorce papers.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): Hold on you said right in the beginning him accusing you of cheating ... then later you say he always turns it around on you. I think he was cheating in the first place, maybe he felt a touch of guilt and accused you instead.
You may love your husband but honestly, counselling or not, he is not going to stop. He will just get clever at hiding things, the computer unfortunately makes this sort of thing too easy for some men. I know its hard but, I think you may need to close the door on him and find someone who will care for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (3 February 2011):
 counceling will not work if he does not want the relationship to work. You have to simply make him decide if he wants you or the other women. they may just be friends or something to past up time. I would not deal with it. (a girlfriend talking to other people online) sometime you have to love yourself more than you love the other person and walk away. Men dont miss something good until its gone.
...............................
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (3 February 2011):
 I agree with CaringGuy. However, I think you need to make it clear to your husband that he must attend marriage counseling with your or the marriage will be over.
What he is doing by blaming you is classic cheater stuff. He's what I call "a blame thrower." He is justifying his behavior by finding fault with you. I assume you did not cheat. What he is doing is not because of something you did, or didn't do, say or didn't say. Don't let him get away with that. Lay it on the line - we work on this marriage or it's over. Sometimes they have to come face-to-face with what is at stake to wake up.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 February 2011):
I do very much admire you for wanting this to work, because his behaviour has been shocking really.
I think the time has come though for you to be blunt about this. You need to sit down with him and say that you love him, but that the marriage needs counselling because of numerous issues (do not name the women or blame him) that have arisen.
Now, if he actually loves you and wants this to work too, he will force himself to come to counselling whether he likes it or not. If he chooses not to go, and not to change his poor behaviour, then you'll need to leave.
...............................
|
