A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently started a new job and have fallen for one of my new workmates. The problem is she has a boyfriend and I can't work out how serious they are and/or if she is interested in me. We only work together for an hour or so each day, but during that time, we chat loads, we flirt a lot and we seem to be always laughing together. Every time we look at each other, we smile. I've noticed that she's often playing with her hair when she talks to me, and she sometimes touches my arm or playfully slaps me and that kind of stuff. We went out for a work do a month or so ago, and one of our colleagues asked if we were seeing each other, so there's obviously some kind of chemistry between us - I laughed it off and this girl seemed quite offended that I'd laughed it off. When I went out for my birthday recently with lots of my mates, I invited 2 people from work. I told this girl a few times that she could bring her boyfriend, but she said she'd rather not. We flirted a lot and held hands walking from pub to pub but nothing else happened. When I've covered her shift at work, she's bought me chocolates. Also, we regularly message each other outside of work, either on Facebook or texting. We have met for coffee as well (her idea). Thats the good news, the bad news is her boyfriend. They've been together for about a year, and they live together. They are away together this weekend and they are going away for a two week holiday soon. She rarely mentions him to me, but on her Facebook page, she very often writes how loved up she is. We went out for her birthday last week and they did seem really close, although it did seem to me as though she was looking at me quite a lot too! The thing is, she is leaving work soon, and she has made quite a big deal about us keeping in touch, and having more time for coffee and stuff. If she is genuinely in love with her boyfriend and just wants to be friends with me (she does have a few good male friends, so she may just be that kind of person and I may be getting carried away), then I don't really want to waste my time. However, if her and her boyfriend were to finish, I'd like to still be in touch with her. How do I tell if she's interested? And how do I find out the real story with her boyfriend? And what do I do about it anyway? Sorry for taking so long, I just wanted to give you a clear picture!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought I would provide an update. She got engaged to her boyfriend this weekend! So I'm guessing I misread the signals a bit! I'm not sure whether we will keep in touch now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer, I was hoping a girl in a similar situation might reply. Can I ask you another question? I'm fairly sure we will keep in touch. The problem is, I've been in a similar situation before and I ended up becoming really close to somebody, but I just became like agirl friend, a shoulder to cry on and somebody to moan about her boyfriend to. We became like brother and sister and it was obvious that nothing was going to happen. How do I stay in touch with this girl without falling into this trap again?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): I think I might be in a similar situation to this girl so I'll give you my take on this. I think it is safe to say she does like you a lot, however, how much is a different matter. Does she like you more than her boyfriend? Well, they live together and are probably quite serious having been together for a year so leaving might put her in a tricky and difficult situation.
She might be worried about risking her existing relationship and her living situation for a relationship with you that might not even work out. I wonder if she wants to test the waters with you, develop the relationship a bit further whilst she is still with her booyfriend so that she has something to fall back on incase she discovers that it won't work out with you.
I think what you do depends on how much you like her and whether you think she is worth waiting around for. She may never leave her boyfriend for you whilst you just fall deeper for her. On the otherhand, if you do continue staying in touch with her and developing this attraction whilst she is with her boyfriend, she may realise that you two are more compatible and end up breaking up with him for you.
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