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How do I tell him I'm going to be traveling with my best friend next year?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 April 2015) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I met a great guy a few weeks ago ,, treats me with respect , really cares about me ,, get on well Etc

We was just going on dates, and we ended up kissing a few days ago at his house, and mine yesterday. The problem is IM GOING BACKPACKING at the start of next year with my best friend , we have £7000 saved already !

he knows I'm in to travelling and so is he tbh, but haven't let him know my plan yet as I didn't expect for anything other than a few dates (I've never had a boyfriend , been treated bad etc) he also hasn't had a relationship and is a Virgin who I know really wants to meet someone.

I'm now in a situation where I feel trapped, I have met someone I like who I could countinue seeing but my priority is travelling with my best friend next year. We aren't taking a 6 month trip, we generally want to LEAVE and LIVE! we want to go fur as long as possible and work in china teaching English , go work in Oz for a year etc . So I can't commit to a relationship as I can't even see myself coming back to this' pay the rent, die ' life. I know he wants to travel too, but I can't see how it can be together , I have no idea were I will be in a years time , i could be living with my best friend in Oz, or we could of gone our own ways for different opportunities around world ! It's hard to start something when you have no clear ending, why set yourself up for heartbreak and stress ?

I feel so upset as I'm possibly missing out on a great guy, I don't want to hurt him , he will be so gutted as I mentioned he's not experienced etc . But I do want to carry on seeing him ... Just more of a casual arrangment . I just want him to know I can't commit to anything serious because I'm going travelling next year and I honestly don't know how long for .

He seems like he is getting more into me, more texts. Calls. Wants to meet up, I feel like such a bad person !!

How should I approach this conversation with him ? I think it's best to before we get physical...?

Also if up have any experience of advice in a situation like this ?

Thanks !!

View related questions: best friend, kissing, never had a boyfriend, text, trapped

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A female reader, like I see it United States + , writes (30 April 2015):

like I see it agony auntHard though this may sound to believe, I have been there, or close to it. Last spring/summer I quit my job and hiked 2,668 miles from Mexico to Canada - no joke. It was the best decision I have ever made, even though literally everyone I knew thought I was insane for doing something so against that "pay the rent, die" lifestyle you mention. "Life changing" is an understatement.

I had a boyfriend when I left. Against all odds I have the same boyfriend today. I told him the first day I met him that this was something I planned on doing. I don't think he believed I would ever actually follow through on it... but he had fair warning. The hike was a dream of mine for a decade before I met him and if I had put adventure on hold for love, that dream would have haunted me long into the future.

Due to work and logistics (I packed 20+ boxes of dry goods for my family to mail me along the way) we were together about a year and a half before I was able to take off and do this. By then I had invested a lot in the relationship, emotionally speaking, and I still considered it worth the risk of maybe not having a relationship to come back to. It was a gamble I took. It so happened that things worked out, but there was no guarantee of this when I made the choice to start that journey. I love him like I've never loved anyone, but I'd make that same gamble a million times again.

You may be hesitant to pass up a good guy, but consider that you are young and still changing as a person. Speaking from experience, your travels will change you further. You will not be the same person in a year or two that you are today, and your wants and needs may change. Truly getting out there and LIVING life, once experienced, makes it painfully easy to notice the moments when you are just "existing". I had a life to come back to; I changed in many ways but my life did not. I struggle sometimes with feeling stuck in it. There is a world of difference between the freedom of the nomad life and the monotony of a full-time job.

I should also tell you that the single biggest regret of my life (and I made some stupid decisions as a teenager!) to date took place in my early twenties. I had the chance to study abroad in Europe and I didn't take it because I was afraid of screwing up the new relationship I had at the time - that if I left, he'd just find someone else. Fast forward six months and we weren't together anymore... and I'd missed out on what would have been an amazing experience. Speaking from the heart, don't let that be you. Get out there and live and grow into the person you're going to be... and then worry about finding the perfect match for that person.

I absolutely think you should travel as planned, and I think you should be upfront with this guy about it. If he's OK with casual, that's fine, but don't push him for it if he wants to save his first time for someone who WILL be around for a committed relationship.

Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!

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