A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so long story. Me and my girl have been on and off for nearly two years. I love her a lot and I know she feels the same way, we adore each other.Earlier this month I betrayed her trust, big time, by lying to her. She was devastated and I felt horrible and she initially told me it was over and she wanted nothing to do with me.We are now talking and she has told me that there is a big part of her that wants to get back together but she isn't going it do it. She has put up this barrier and keeps saying "it's not going to happen". I know that it is her but I also suspect her best friend has a part of it (she has never really liked me). When we are together it seems like everything is fine, but whenever I mention us I get shot down.My question is, how do I tap into that part of her that does still want me and break down the barrier? I love her A LOT and I know she does too;
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Chicks will say that part of you wants them back just to avoid hurting your feelings. Other ones will actually mean it, but that part never gets to make the decisions.
She doesn't want you back enough to actually take you back. More importantly, trying really hard to secure her trust again will probably just inspire contempt. Your best bet would be to tell her, calmly but firmly, that you've already apologized, it's done, and you don't intend for it to happen again - but you will not accept limbo. Tell her to either come back to you (not take you back - come back to you, implying you're the dominant one, not her), or not.
It's harsh, but it's the only way to respect both yourself and her and still get the situation done with. Be prepared to move on and chalk this whole thing up to experience. Remember, she deserves a chance to walk away no matter hwo much you want her.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I agree with TimmD...trust is something we give you in the beginning of the relationship only when you do something such as lie or cheat then that trust is taken away..Then you have to work on earning it back which will take some time.
What exactly is this lie, wondering how bad it is? I noticed that you said you guys have been on and off for 2 years, just maybe thought this was this icing on the cake for her to finally break up with you, no more chances.
You have a slim to none chance of getting back with her, so just show her trust by being her friend, inviting her to do things, and calling her a decent amount. There's no guarantee she'll take you back but if you really want her back then give it a shot.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Betraying her trust is what screwed it up for you in the first place. You can't force her to trust you. You must SHOW her. Be her friend, support her, be there for her.... but don't force it. Tell her you know you betrayed her trust and you're willing to wait as long as it takes to earn back her trust and have a second chance.
Don't force her, and don't go against her friend. You don't want to give her friend anymore reasons to talk bad about you.
The thing about betraying trust is - you can't force somebody to trust you again. You have to earn it. She has to know you will never do it again. If she has any reason to fear it will happen again, why would she want to be with you?
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