A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend just messaged me saying she wasn't ready for a phone call but that her dad had just died from a sudden heart attack and that she just wanted to let me know. So I replied, offering my sympathies and that if she wanted company I'd come right away, and asking if she'd like some help dealing with stuff like dinner, laundry, anything. She said she was too tired to have anyone over and that she was going to close her eyes for a few hours until her mom arrives. I said I understood and that I was glad she wasn't going to be alone tonight. Anyway, my question is this: how can I be a good friend during a time like this? She has a habit of sending mixed signals, so it's hard to gauge whether she really wants to be left alone sometimes or if secretly she just doesn't want to burden anyone but would love it if you came over. With some people, I immediately know what the best course of action is, but with her, I don't. Not yet anyway. So now I'm staying put because I don't want to make things worse, but at the same time I'm wondering if that's the right thing to do. So if anyone of you ever had to deal with that kind of loss, what are the things that would have or have helped you cope during this difficult time? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (7 September 2015):
 Sometimes inviting your friend out on and activity can be healing. Perhaps they wont want to come the first time, but that shouldn't stop you asking again.
Going for a bike ride is a nice thing to do if the countryside is suitable. I leave it to you to decide what would be appropriate for your area.
Essentially you are providing something to get them away from the dark normality that grief brings. They will talk if they want to. Otherwise just enjoy your outing together.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 September 2015):
 You are being a good friend by respecting her wishes to grieve in her time and terms. When we hear of such tradgerdy I think it is human nature to immediatly respond by thinking the best support is by having to be there in person. It just depends on the individual. You can't be at fault for not being able to read her mind either, if she wants a shoulder to cry on then its up to her to let you know. For now my advice would be to either txt her at some point with a simple message of " just letting you know I'm thinking of you" or send some flowers and a note acknowledging her need to grieve in private and when she is ready for company just let you know.
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