A
female
age
41-50,
*anie2304
writes:i recently had sex with my best friend's boyfriend, they have been together for 10 years and have 3 children, we bumped into each other on a night out and a few friends came back to my house, everyone went around 5am and her boyfriend stayed to finish his drink, we have always been good friends in fact we used to date in our eary 20's but never really had a sex life duing that relationship we were more like friends. we were talking on the couch and then from nowhere started to kiss, i told him we shouldn't be doing this and to really think about it before we go too far but we did and ended up in bed and had the most amazing sex i have ever had! I can't stop thinking about him but also feel sick at the thought of his girlfriend (my best friend) finding out.We spoke on the phone tonight about what had happened and he asked how i felt about it, i said even though it was great at the time we should not do it again and too many people will get hurt, he agreed but i wonder if i'd said lets carry on in secret if he would have agreed. I would love to spend another night with him but the consequences are far too big to take the risk, can anyone suggest how i get him out of my head, we will meet up in social circumstances with other friends and i know we will be able to act like normal. I am happily single and have a lot of things going for me in my life at the moment so why did i do this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): You're looking at this very short term. Long term, there is a very good chance your best friend will find out. Secrets like this destroy people. I'd come clean now. Actually, I never would have done what you did. I know when a man is off limits.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): The truth has the strangest of ways of coming out in the open,when you have even forget about it yourself. Why not invite her to watch or join you? You never know it could just be her kick. I think you`ll choose the more deceitful way around it though. She deserves a better guy,you deserve him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): You won't ever be her best friend, again, unless you tell her what happened. You'll pretend you are, but you'll always feel it and remember, inside, what you did with her boyfriend, and it will bother you all the time and you'll regret it, until you tell her, and let it out of your system. The truth is healthy for everyone, even if she decides not to be your best friend or any friend at all, anymore. You're better off telling her now rather than letting it eat away at you until you finally tell her, way down the road..which she will take alot harder. If she's really a friend, do the right thing. Friends can be cruel, and she might just screw up and do something that hurts you alot, one day, so big deal about what you did, anyway.
Her boyfriend doing that to her is alot worse than you doing that to her, so let her hear everything, and at least she'll know what her boyfriend is all about. In this way, you'll have helped your best friend, where she might not have ever found out he was cheating on her, or ever believed anyone else.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 You did it on a sudden impulse and the conditions were right .All your inhibitions when you were young did not matter now because you are now having a great life.
Deep in your subconscious mind, you never had the chance to have sex with him when you were dating him in your early 20's.
You were able to control and suppressed those urges but you put yourself in the wrong place and time and succumbed to those devilish temptations.
Now that the opportunity presented itself again,you could not fight the urge and was swept by the emotional tidal waves and the devil may care not attitude.
All you can do now is to pray to God for forgiveness and to avoid him to forestall any reoccurrence .
You made a grave mistake, let go and move on.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Well, you obvious do not consider her "enough" of a friend. I doubt you will stop thinking about him anytime soon since you do not have your own boyfriend, so the only answer is to stay away from him and her from this point on.
All that being said, you may as well give up the friendship entirely and tell her what you did, because you are already looking for reasons to find a way to continue to see him.
If you were happily single, you never would have been with him to begin with. So, maybe the reason it is easy to want to try to maintain a lie and carry on in secret behind your friends back is that you already lie to yourself.
The real victim here are their kids.
-Frank Kermit
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A
female
reader, Dreamer219  +, writes (9 March 2010):
How about 'that's my best friend's boyfriend and baby father,he's OFF LIMITS!' By the way, 'friends' don't sleep with their best friend's significant other, atleast not REAL FRIENDS!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 March 2010):
Imagine for one second if your friend found out. You'd lose it all.
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A
female
reader, Leanne1234 +, writes (8 March 2010):
once is a mistake- twice is simply asking for it. dont do it again it will cause too much hurt for too many people do u really wanna be a homewrecker? .. im 16 n even i recognise this is wrong
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): if u had been resisting for years because u was in love it would give reason to at least hear u out. all i see here is a self centred woman who doesnt care what u do as long as you come out of it without hurt or hassle from anyone. rest assured u will end up on ur ass.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 I agree with sunny, think of the effects on your bestfriend and her children if she knew you were screwing around with her partner.
Its not something best friends do.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (8 March 2010):
 I'm glad you know what you did was wrong. Please don't do this again. You know your best friend will be in so much pain if she found. It's bad enough he cheated but with her BEST friend makes it ten times worst. She trusted you both and you both betrayed her.
My advice is to think about your bestfriend and keep your distance away from her boyfriend. You took things way too far with him and you should do your best to avoid him. If you really are sorry and horrified at what you have done and you know he loves her and feels the same then keep it a secret.
Though something tells me he is not as sorry as he should be because you wonder if he would have done it again. Your bestfriend does not deserve a man like that. Your bestfriend has kids with him so finding this out will be devastating to her and her kids. So don't tell her unless it keeps happening or you know he is doing it with someone else.
She is your best friend....use that to stop thinking about him.
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