A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have ended my relationship with a married man, he said that his wife and him had stopped having sex many years ago and that he wouldn't leave her because it meant he would not be living with his kids anymore so I went.The trouble is he keeps texting me saying how he misses me that he loves me and that he is depressed,I haven't replied back but I have been tempted to....how do I stay strong and move on?
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depressed, married man, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jemel +, writes (3 November 2014):
Hi!
A friend of mine went through the same thing. He would treat her like a yo yo. One minute he wants her the next he doesn't. When he felt depressed and bored with his wife he would contact her promising her he would leave his wife, she believed him and took him back but not for long because he would always go back to his wife using the kids as an excuse.
Delete all contact, concentrate on yourself and do what makes you happy because you deserve better xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): Sweetheart only thing a married man can do is give you a pipe dream that will never come true.Know your worth don't be a third wheel in nobody's life its going to be ok let him go.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 November 2014):
 You cut him out. BLOCK and DELETE his number. IF you can't block it, consider changing your number.
Go out with friends and spend time with family, so you aren't tempted to get back in touch with him because you are lonely or bored.
And last but not least, learn from this. A MARRIED man isn't LOOKING for a FUTURE WIFE or even an EXCLUSIVE GF - if he is straying from his marriage it's because he is either too lazy to fix what's wrong or he is just plain bored. Whether he has SEX with the wife or not, IT'S IRRELEVANT - the DUDE is married and NOt dating material.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): I was once the same as you and thought about leaving my married boyfriend who found out about my plans and then told me that he had a serious illness which was lies, he thinks that i am still with him and if some single guy came along i would forget about the married man and ignore him as at the end of the day he is married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): I am in a similar situation as you. Fell in love with a man who won't leave his sexless marriage that also seems to be without much communication, because he wants to be with his child. We tried to end it but we couldn't. We miss each other, we're depressed without one another. I love him and still text and call him several times during the week (not on weekends). Listen to your feelings. If it's over for you, then stay strong. You deserve better than half of a relationship with a man who won't be there for you. Of course this is hard. Because the break up is unnatural, it's not at a point where the emotions would end too. It's a deliberate choice. I just wish that the men we love would make a clear decision to either stay or leave their wives. I still hope, somehow, that a divorce is going to happen soon, before I get bitter and fed up. So I hang on. If he is 100% sure that leaving his wife is not an option, then tell him that you understand he's depressed, but that he's made his choice and he needs to stick to it. And that he needs to find support, but from somebody else than you.Draw a line by going out and meeting new men, so you really feel it's over and you can tell him so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): You stay strong because you look can see what your options are now. If you go back you are dating a married man. That hasn't changed. He's committed and not free to have a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): I have been with my married man for almost 2 years. And he won't leave his wife either. The reasons differ from one man to another I suppose but usually they won't leave because they enjoy having the best of both worlds. The security and comfort of his wife and family and the excitement of his girlfriend.I have no doubt he misses you and loves you. I have no doubt he wants you back. I have no doubt he is missing something in his marriage. He may have strong feeling for you. But he won't leave despite the feelings he has. At the end of the day, this is the bottom line. Not whether he cares about you but whether he cares enough about you to leave his marriage for you.He said he won't.You have left. I understand your position. There is no right or wrong. You are doing what you feel is best for you. And he is doing the same. The best thing for him would be to have you both. Not one or the other. Can you live with being second to his wife and kids? Clearly not as you have found the strength to leave him. And believe me, it takes strength to make this kind of a move. You will need to keep that strength to move forward and cut him out of your life if you are serious about your decision. What he thinks, does or feels does not matter if he is not willing to leave his wife for you. He does not love you enough if he is not willing to leave her and his family. Believe me, when a man is in love, there are no excuses. I have seen men leave their wives and children for another woman they have fallen in love with. But on the other side, leaving a marriage and kids is no easy thing to do. And many men are afraid of losing so much, despite loving another woman. So they find it difficult to leave.He enjoys your company. He is attracted to you. You are fun and exciting and he has real feelings. But not enough to have a true, legitimate relationship together. We tell ourselves maybe he just needs more time to feel sure. To let the fear subside or to realize his true feelings. Maybe if we leave him, it will shake some sense into him. All of that...It would be easy to go back. Especially since he is now pulling out all the stops. Begging. Showing affection. Chasing you. It all adds to the romantic drama. I know. I understand this. It often becomes a cycle. Breaking up and making up. This all serves to strengthen your addiction to one another and in the long run strengthen the affair.If you feel you can handle being the other woman, go back to him. I know how alluring the whole love affair intoxication can be. You feel lost, desperate and depressed when you are not riding that high. It is a withdrawal from the chemical high of the affair. It is during this withdrawal phase that the need to be with your affair partner intensifies and this is why he is going all out to get you back and why you are contemplating going back to him.It is one of those can't live with them and can't live without them situations. For both of you. I am there. I know. But I cannot leave him. I just can't do it because I love him. And I know the time I have with him and what we share together is so special because it is so fragile. I would rather have loved and lost than never have loved at all. And I will never regret a single moment with him.Clearly you have both been meeting each others needs. It is nice to have that escape in real life. The fantasy. Just know that it is a fantasy. Real life rears its ugly head eventually. This is when you start to wake up and demand more from him, make ultimatums and leave him because you are expecting him to uproot his life for you.If you can keep living in the fantasy and prolonging it for as long as you can, you can happily continue the affair. But the happiness is always short lived. Because in the moment all is perfect and you feel special to him. But when he leaves and goes back to his wife or when you do not see him as often, you come down to reality. The feelings of being special give way to feelings of loneliness, desperation, low self worth and ultimately deep depression. And the cycle repeats. From highs to lows. Highs to lows. Constantly. There is no emotional stability or a comfort zone. You are always standing on the edge in this type of relationship, because deep down inside you are trying to protect your heart, knowing one day he will break it. It is this constant struggle between wanting to give your love to him fully and then pulling back. And the longer you are in this affair, the worse the pain will be. This is a very hard emotional struggle to deal with constantly. It eats you up and tears you down. So you can ride the fantasy but eventually you start to ask questions, start to see the situation for what it is, and the man for who he really is. Not the fantasy figure he has been selling you. And maybe some of the shine starts to wear off..When the lows outnumber the highs and when the joy is surpassed by pain, then you know it is time to close the chapter. Depends on what you are willing to tolerate for this man, knowing there is no future for the both of you.Ride the fantasy and stay with him or look reality square in the eye and move on.These are the two choices. I still cannot make mine.
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