A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am tired of being alone and would like to meet someone already! I'm not necessarily looking for someone to fall in love with right now, but someone to get to know, spend some time with whos actually a decent human being! I was reading a different post and realized that I keep meeting assholes because those are the only ones that approach me! (Thanks to whoever that was!) How do I spot the good ones? How do I get THEM to talk to me?I know I should be go talk to them, but I am very shy at first. How can I give off signals that I am interested, but without seeming desparate?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, 17Irish17 +, writes (5 March 2008):
First, there is no way to look at a man or a woman for that matter and know if he is a "good catch". You have to get to know the person.
I remember my mother and father telling my sister when we were younger the best way to judge a man/boys charachter is to watch how he treats his mother.
Sounds simple, but my brothers-in-law are the greatest! Im sure this isnt a 100% guarentee, but Im sure it helps.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 If you find that one decent elusive human being, I think you would be bored with him in no time. LOL!
You won't find men wrapped with a beautiful wrapper and with a nice ribbon on it and presented in the way you imagined!
Men are like carbons (assholes)in the earth. They need to morphed into rough diamonds before you can polish them into fine sparkling diamonds.
If you are a fish ,naturally you will attract only fishes.
If you want to attract birds of the air, then you need to turn into a bird.
That means you will have to change and move from the sea into the sky.
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A
female
reader, pinksuze  +, writes (5 March 2008):
I believe that in life you get not what you deserve but what you think you deserve. I had a very difficult childhood and when I grew up I had a series of abusive relationships with people who treated me very badly indeed. I would cry and cry about it and ask why do I have to keep going through all of this?? Then, a while ago, I realised that it was because it was what I was conditioned by the things that happened as I was growing up to expect. I saw myself as worthless and bad because of my childhood and got into relationships with people who treated me as though I were worthless and bad. Once I realised this I saw that, although it seemed random, I was choosing to be with these people. They were the people I was attracted to because they had something in them that would give credence to my poor self image. And conversely they had issues and were attracted to me because I gave credence to the way they felt about themselves. I realised that I would rather be on my own for the rest of my life - something that had previously terrified me - than become involved in another abusive relationship. I saw that when I got involved with somebody I had wanted them to make me feel better about myself, to rescue me from my pain, and I realised that nobody can do that for anybody. It's something you need to do for yourself, and I did lots of work on addressing all the issues I had. I've since had one boyfriend, who I recently split up with because we lived too far apart and neither of us was in a position where we could move. The relationship, however, was a very good one and he treated me better than anybody had ever done before.
I don't know what has happened in your life, but I would say with almost certainty that something happened that made you feel bad about yourself and the relationships you've become involved in have mirrored this. If you change how you are on the inside then the outside will reflect this change, and it won't be a question of how do I spot the good ones? You'll naturally attract, and be attracted to, men who will treat you well.
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A
male
reader, Kawika +, writes (5 March 2008):
 I think its hard these days to find what you are looking for, especially over the internet. There are so many creeps out there and they always have a self-serving agenda. Obviously, the best way is person to person. That way you can really tell by reading the softness of their eyes. Like they say...The EYES are the entrance to a person's soul. Casual and light-hearted conversations are a good starters. Personally, I love girls who I can tease and who is not afraid to tease me back. It makes it fun and exciting. In answering your question about finding the good ones. It is difficult from mere outward appearances. You need to test them. Most people will often be on their best behavior during first impressions, but place them in a difficult or stressful situation and you will ultimately reveal their "true colors". I have often said that everything happens for a reason in our lives and that sometimes we need to let our "fate" slowly guide us to that one special person. I hope this helps...
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