A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so my friend calls me the other night around midnight. She's drunk and crying hysterically because she'd recently split with her boyfriend, who she's been on and off with for months now (it's ridiculous, but that's besides the point). I offered to swing by and stop in for a while, but she had to leave really early in the morning to go upstate. She said she wanted to see me when she came back, though. So when she came back yesterday I called her and offered to buy her lunch. She had work, but said she'd go with me wednesday (tomorrow). The strange thing is, now she's back with her boyfriend (whos a total lame asshole) in a matter of like, a day? I've always had a thing for her, and we've hooked up on several occasions, a few being when she was dating this guy. I really do like her, and I know I'd treat her much better than her boyfriend would, I just don't know if it'll happen, now that she all of a sudden got back with him. I know she's been miserable for a while, and I want to see her happy again. I want to be there for her, but as more than a friend. What should I do?
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male
reader, Starmonster888  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 Much like UniMan said, you are being very nice. The problem is, being nice to someone doesn't automatically indicate romantic interest, ESPECIALLY when you are nice to them after they've broken up with someone else. That just portrays you as a really, really good lunch buying friend. Next time, you want to be more upfront, take an aggressive role. What I mean by that is go on the offense.The on-and-off boyfriend is the opposition and right he's winning because every time you make your friend happy, he comes back and takes her. Next time it doesn't work(its kinda predictable because, like you said, this is kinda ridiculous), don't beat around the bush in terms of your opinion about him. Get hi out the picture...FOR GOOD. After that, lunch can begin to mean something different but, again, go the offense with that. This time however, with a little more smooth romance.
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (13 April 2010):
Being a shoulder for her to cry on is for her girlfriends to do. Buying her lunch is for her boyfriend to do. You are being a nice person but I don't think those things are going to get you anywhere with her.
Think back on the times she hooked up with you when she was with him. Try to replicate those situations. If you get her in a receptive state, tell her that she can trust that you will never make her cry.
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (13 April 2010):
 well for whatever reason she is finding it very hard to cut ties with this guy, however the relationship is clearly doomed, so it is only a matter of time before they split up again. in the meantime you should be there for her and support her as a friend, do everything you can to be nice to her, make her laugh etc. then when this other guy is out of the picture you can see if she wants to become more than friends. best of luck x
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