A
male
age
36-40,
*txi
writes:Ok, I'll paste what's happened and then furnish it with details afterwards:Ok, so:I met this girl online years ago (Please let's not focus on the online aspect, it's all good) we fell for each other recently and I have travelled to her university town for the summer on a work VISA.Things start well, very well. We joke and laugh and we just take it light because we're only thinking about having fun.Then, I (stupidly, but with reason) start talking too long-term. Mainly because I was in a long-term relationship before and lost all track of pacing, and also because she had mentioned such things before.This makes her feel awkward, and thus she starts distancing herself. But she doesn't tell me what's up, thus I start panicking slightly, only making things worse.We break up/get back together again after sorting things out. But as far as I'm concerned that came from nowhere, so it puts me on edge. At the same time my job is picking up, so I start mentioning to her about how I'm a bit lonely here at the moment, due to loneliness I want to try joining clubs and activities. The only clubs and activities I know of are the ones she mentions, so I start mentioning my interest to join them. (now, these things I have mentioned have only been me letting of a little steam after a long day in the case of work. And me unthinkingly mentioning my interest to join clubs, the thought that it looks like I'm hounding her not even crossing my mind) So she feels like she has to do stuff with me or I'm lonely, and that I just want to do stuff with her and only her, neither of which were true but she was justified in thinking. But again, she doesn't tell me until it's too late (last weekend) by which point she needs some time apart.Now, add to this the fact that before me she had never done anything sexual with a guy before. (not even been topless) And we started fooling around, nothing that could get her pregnant though. (mutual touching, though only each other's to avoid transferring anything. And dry-humping) But she's had an upset stomach for the past few weeks and mentioned to me yesterday (the first time we've spoken in a week, after sorting out some stuff, where she gave me a very sincere 'I love you') But when she spoke and mentioned that she was worried about pregnancy I offered to buy her a test to set her mind at rest. I think she's now taken that as a sign that I think she might be pregnant, she then sounded very hurt and said that I was meant to keep her safe.It's the next day and she doesn't want to talk to me, I only have 3 weeks after this weekend and I work all week apart from wednesday evenings. (from 10-10) What should I do? I know that we can sort things out but she doesn't want to speak with me. Yet I know that I should because otherwise she's just building up negative emotions against me.
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male
reader, Itxi +, writes (13 December 2010):
Itxi is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow, I wasn't expecting answers from this now. Thankyou for taking the time to do so though.
Me and this girl broke up about two and a half months ago, I can see now that basically the connection we had formed online didn't carry through to real life. (well it did for a bit but we didn't do the right things to reinforce it)
It's sad, and we no longer talk. But that's life I guess.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Ok well first of if you never had sexual intercourse with her then she is not carrying your child. If she is pregnant then you need to realise that she has had intercourse with someone else.
It sounds to me like she doesnt want to be in a relationship with you, therefore i think you need to accept this. If she wont talk to you then there is not a lot you can do here but move on.
She may just need space and feels that you are asking to much from her. Why dont you look in to joining clubs that she is not involved in, do some research in your area and find out what else is available.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (12 December 2010):
 You need to let her know that you are not setting out to make her pregnant but because she is worried you need to set her mind at rest. She could buy a test at the chemist over the counter that's easy. That's what she needs to do, she sounds very insecure and inexperienced so you are being very sensitive with her you are doing your best. She obviously has some other hang ups with which she has not shared with you yet because of the time you have known her and trust etc. You are doing every thing right. Has she actually missed a period or have any other things why she thinks she may be pregnant. You could ask her not to worry and wait for that to happen. Just keep being nice and understanding and she will see you for what you are a kind caring loving person.
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