A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married to a computer geek who is afraid of intimacy (it's hard for him to tell 'i love you', he'd rather fill up my gas tank.) He also developed a sexual disfunction a few months into our relationship, retarded ejaculation, and because of it his sex drive is low and he'd rather masturbate. We used to have a good sex life. Now we have sex once a week (twice when he is focusing on our issue). The thing is I am tired of being caring and loving. I am dealing with feelings of being rejected and hurt and unloved... I know it's nothing personal but I want to be loved like a woman. I am tired of playing a nurse. I still love him and want this relationship to work out but the truth is if nothing changes I will leave him because I am miserable. I am willing to try anything to save our relationship. BTW, nothing turns him on because any activity of that nature sends him a message that we are about have sex which is the thing he'd rather skip or do it when I am not around for the fear of personal disappointment, etc. How do I overcome my being sexually frustrated as I help him build confidence?
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confidence, ejaculation, sex drive, sex life, sexually frustrated, unloved Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Your doing everything for him your looking after his needs trying to be there for him while he sorts out his problems, correct me if im wrong but its all about HIM what about you your needs? You need to get the message across that there are 2 people in the relationship and you both have needs! Ask him to go to the doctors or counselling anything to get this sorted and as for your needs its 2007 women dont need men to get pleasure when we need it go buy something and get some pleasure from something that has no emotional or physical needs and is there when you need your pleasure. But if he doesnt agree to counsilling doctors or anything then i think its time you stopped playing nurses and find someone who is able to give you what you want and what you need
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Relationships are not all about sex, but I don't see an excuse for him not telling you the words, "I love you." He really needs to work on that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): What about some kind of therapy. Maybe something he can go to alone first and once he's comfortable, invite you to be there for him. This is something you both have worked on for a while it seems. When you've tried and tried to no avail, sometimes an outside (professional) opinion can help try things you haven't thought of. If you've had a great sex life in the past, it can probably happen again. I think if he talks to someone, it could help him if there's something that's just on his side. Or it could help determine if there's a deeper relationship issue. I wish you guys both the best of luck and the hope of many great nights ahead :)
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