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female
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anonymous
writes: I'd like to get peoples advice on this...what do you do about your annoying, nosey inlaws? Im talking about your spouses parents. My inlaws always look for a way to see whats going on in our marriage so that they could butt in, rule it some how (my husband doesnt know how to tell them to mind there own business) and tell us how to live our lives. Im sick of it because sometimes they get into my husbands head or in other words he lets them brainwash him about things and we almost always in up in arguments later when we had already agreed on our decisions, but no his parents have to butt in everything and rub things in more! Me and my husband are always happy and content with they way we do things, until they come along! I hate it..Any advice???PLEASE!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, *lola* +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Tell your partner how you feel, but don't hurt their feelings. Tell them you don't want them judding you on everything you do because it makes you feel like you cannot be yourself. They should understand and talk to their parants and then you can get the situation. You need to talk and tell them how you feel
Good luck *lola*
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Be very careful how you work this problem. Because you're married to your husband, you're always going to have to deal with the in-laws. That's a given. If you offend them, or get them off side, that's going to double the stress on your relationships with them.Any discussions with them need to come from your husband. Telling them to "mind their own business" isn't going to be productive, and if your husband hasn't had the fortitude to say so thus far, it's unlikely to happen in future. So the best way to deal with nosy parkers is to smile and tell them nothing, while redirecting the conversation.If the in-laws ask you whether you're paying your bills on time, a response might be "We look after ourselves, just as you did at our age. So how're the renovations coming?" If they question your approach to child-rearing, you can say "Thanks. I appreciate your input and we'll think about that. Did I tell you Brody came third at the swim carnival?"My point is that you can be both polite and private, and therefore be above reproach. You have to learn to live with the intrusion of your husband's family, particularly if he doesn't know where to draw the line. Perhaps you can give him some guidance about what you feel comfortable discussing with his parents, but I'd be cautious about anyone giving anyone else an 'ultimatum', as suggested below. The reason for that is that the options for an ultimatum are very few. What would you say? "Tell your folks to butt out or they're never seeing the kids again"? That's pretty harsh and it's pretty hard to follow up on, so becomes worthless in practice.Yes, this is annoying, but in the Grand Scheme of Things, it's a pretty small niggle if everything else in your marriage is good. Be the bigger person, and simply deflect their enquiries.
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 I think you should maybe take this to the extent where your husband is given an ultimatum.
I think he has too much respect for his parents to tell them how he really feels.
I think he knows he does this, but is fearful of upsetting them.
I think you need to be firmer with him hun, nothing will change otherwise.
Good luck babe
x
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