A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel pathetic. I'm 33 years old and I should be past all this by now. I met a guy almost 4 years ago. It was a night out that I wasn't even going to go on. I met this guy in a bar who turned out to be a friend of a friend of a friend. Straight away I thought he was someone special. My friend gave him my number as I had left and not done it and he text me. We went out the following week and started a casual thing. I tried not to fall for him, I'd been hurt before and I didn't want to be hurt again. But I did. I hoped it would turn into something, it wasn't just sex, we talked as well and I really felt we had a connection. Anyway a few months later he got together with someone else and I was devastated. Since then we have seen each other on and off (his relationship was also on and off although there may have been some overlaps) I tried dating other people, staying in, spending time with friends, working, anything to try to move on, but it was always him. Earlier this year I decided to end it completely. I told him how I felt and why I couldn't see him anymore - great when we were together, but too painful when I didn't hear from him or he ignored my messages. I was so hard, but I did it, then in a weak moment I agreed to see him - he always initiates the contact. I hoped it would be different this time,but it isn't and now I'm back where I was.My question is how do I move on? Please don't say it takes time - There have been months when I haven't seen him and it makes no difference. Like I said, I've tried other things, but it's always him who's in my head. I wish to God I'd never gone out that night and never met him. I just can't go on hurting like this. :(
View related questions:
move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your words. I know it's not going anywhere and I do need to end it. I want to meet someone special, get married and have kids and I know the longer I let this go on, the less likely it will be that I will get what I want. It's just so difficult accepting that this guy isn't going to be the one I spend my life with.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Hi there
You have had this feeling for so long because you never actually let him go, regardless of the arrangement you were still living in hope,maybe still are this minute.
Let go of the hope, think of those guys you may have met if you had not been so hung up on this one. My view is date like crazy, anyone, so your focusing on them. You dont have to have sex with them all, but you do need to divert your thoughts away from HIM. So start your campaign to meet and date as many as you can. Soon this guy will fade into the background.
Do not give in when he contacts you,stay strong and kick the habit.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): You've allowed yourself to become the FWB (Friend with benefits) and it has always been that and nothing more. The only way to move on is to stop answering his calls and avoid his invites. That is the only way. Otherwise you will just continue to tether yourself to him until he grows tired of using you for casual sex on speed dial.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2012): I feel for you. Your story could have been mine and it is so hard. I did say goodbye and, hard as it was, I feel better for it. I had this coping thing..I would, whenever he popped into my head, I would immediately make myself think of something else and if he came back into my thoughts I.e. if out shopping I would think "would X like this" and then have to make myself think of something else. I feel free and try to concentrate on the fact that I am free of this unreciprocated love and want. I realise now that if a guy wants you, he will move heaven and earth to get you. With a FWB, as I feel yours is, if they haven't claimed you, they never will. Time is a healer people say..not a helpful comment but it is very true BUT you have to allow yourself to heal and the only way is to ALLOW yourself to be free. Hope this helps..it is a very upsetting position to be in and the only way out is to get yourself out. Good luck :)
...............................
|
