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How do I make sense of my relationship with a lying, cheating man?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 20 February 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've changed this story a few times to my friends, but for this website, I will be honest for once.

I met this guy online, and no I have never met him in real life, he lives about four hours away. We're close in age, and we've been talking for the last 7-8 months.

A few months into us talking, he got a girlfriend for 2 days, but then broke up with her because he claims he "liked me" I was on vacation in florida at the time so I had thought the lack of answered phone calls was due to my phone company. I had also mailed him gifts days before leaving because it was his birthday. But, his claim for getting a girlfriend was because his birthday was "shitty" although I went out of my way to make it better.

Late october, I stopped talking to him because he would just make me feel bad about myself and we were constantly fighting. He hardly made me feel special, while locally, there was someone who made me feel very special.

December came, and he began talking to me again, he kept pressing that things "go back to how they were" but for some reason, I wasn't really interested, and blew him off repeatedly.

Somehow, he got me to fall for him again. But, early January my birthday rolled around, and he said nothing,he texted me that day, talked to me on facebook, but forgot my birthday even though i had been reminding him of my excitement. Upon me bringing up the matter, he tried to sweep it under the rug, which I was not happy with.

Within this time period, I began to notice he was talking to me less, and he would never want to call me or anything.

We fought about things at least once a week, and it was usually always the fact that I felt he wasn't being faithful, or that he didn't care about me due to his lack of showing he cared. He continuously blamed his childhood and other things, making me feel guilty.

Soon, he blocked me on facebook, for no reason. Claiming he was tired of seeing boys post on my wall or pictures, which wouldnt be a problem if he would actually list himself as in a relationship with me, which he refused to do, or promised to do later, but never did.

Later, he confessed to being married on facebook to his "friend" but has it hidden to avoid "assumptions"

More and more we fought about whether or not he was true to me, only to have him apologize and give more excuses.

On a different facebook account, I added him and he accepted. I noticed this girl he had been talking to while him and I werent talking in october was commenting on all of his pictures, only to have him reply saying "go away"

I added her on my real facebook account, hoping to see how he treated her while they were talking, if it was better than he treated me. But, since he blocked me I couldnt see any of his posts.

One night, in the midst of him ignoring me, I said "I know about you and that girl :(" although I knew nothing, he called me, and broke down, apologizing for "leading the two of us on" I was shocked, I had been right these past few months, he wasn't being faithful to me. I was in shock, it didn't even set in. He continued to cry, and started admitting to me things about his childhood. We talked for some amount of hours, until the two of us fell asleep on the phone.

I woke up the next day, and sent him a few texts, with no reply, and I knew what he was doing, trying to get me to forget about him by not replying.

I sent him about 20 texts, and left 2 voicemails. He finally replied around 8 o clock at night and said that he loved me, but needed to do some self-evaluation and needed to be alone.

That night, i messaged that girl he had been talking to as well, and told her what he had told me, how he was leading the two of us on. She replied, and was very nice about it, but said "unfortunately it wasnt only you and me" which, I am not surprised to hear.

It was only a matter of time before I began to see how ridiculous everything was, and how it all began making sense, how he was hiding things from me, and lying to me over and over again, using me for his own happiness.

I have him added on facebook on my different account, and I've noticed all of these girls posting on his wall, one saying "Can you get online, I fucked up my phone :("

I have no clue what he's doing, if he's just talking to all these other girls, and isn't even phased by what he did to me, I want to know so I can get some closure.

I'm so confused, I'm sorry I was a fool to love, I really was.

I don't know what I should do, everyday is just so hard to get by without him, I don't know what the truth is anymore.

View related questions: broke up, facebook, my ex, period, text

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A female reader, charitysend United States +, writes (20 February 2011):

You're kidding, right? You're in a relationship with a lying cheating man. Period. Stop arguing with him about whether he is true to you. Stop asking him if he is lying. Stop stalking him online. You already know what he is up to. The only reason you are confused is because you want to be. Your boyfriend isn't the only one lying to you and cheating you. You are lying to yourself. You are cheating yourself. Why are you doing this to yourself?

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