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female
,
anonymous
writes: how can i make my partner care?my partner and i have been together for 3 years. We just had a baby. He does not work and i went back full time. the problem is that finacialy it is not possible to live the life we used to and it became so bad we cannot move either as i do not have the money to move. all he does is spend his time in front of the pc. he looks after the baby twice a week and for him that is his part done. in the week end he never spent any time with us, always in front of his pc and if i make a comment, he keeps telling i think my child is a burden or i do not want to look after him etc....how can i make him care? I feel used but do not want to leave him for the baby's sake. he is good with the baby but not with me. thanks
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female
reader, shellebell +, writes (27 May 2006):
Hi, I really feel for you.
A baby does affect relationships like this - the only way you can solve the way you're feeling is to discuss feelings. I can't speak from your partners point of view, he may be depressed/ dissappointed with himself for not working or just lacking self confidence - you don't know until you ask. He is more likely to open up if you are loving and tell him how you feel without blaming him. If he wants it to work he needs to communicate with you.
Let him know that you love him, suggest you have a romantic evening, perhaps arrange a babysitter for a few hours.
Try doing something you did when you first met and fell in love.
You both need to open up, other wise things will deteriorate. Hope you can sort things out.
Get him out of the house as much as you can - try and weane him off the computer.
Not being nasty, just truthful - my 1st hubby and father of my Son was always on the computer, I found out he was on porn sites all the time, (not insinuating that your other half is). This put me right off him, although my friends/ family assured me this was normal.
He wasn't the one for me, as I am blissfully happy now in another marriage. There is life after this relationship, if that's what you want - but if you want it to work, you have to give it 100%. Don't stay with him for your child, if you're happy, you're child will be. DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU!
Best of luck, whatever your decision.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 My dear I am afraid that I cannot give you advice on how to "make someone care" its just not really possible. Its like asking how do you make someone love you, they either do or they dont. What you do need to do I believe is to tell him what the score is, I mean he may well be a good dad but if he is not giving you the love and support you need then the relationship becomes simply an arrangement for the sake of the child. My dear are you "happy" with this man, do you love him, do you really want to be with him? These are all questions I belive you need to ask yourself. Obviously you wont deny him access to the child, but it looks to me that he has given up on the realtionship, and you my dear need to tell him exactly how you are feeling and tel him that unless he is prepared to show you more affection and time etc, how can the relationship last. I hope things work out for you. xXx
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