A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 15 years has been having some health issues lately. It all started suddenly. He was feeling tired and his energy levels were low. He went to see our GP and got home disappointed. Apparently she only gave him some basic blood tests and didn't want to do a whole check up including diseases. (yes he is a slight hypochondriac and when he desn't feel well he obsesses about his health). He wanted to be tested for AIDS, hepatitis C, Epstein Barr, Coxsackie... I must say that it didn't sound weird when he was complaining mostly about STDs even though we are in a comitted monogamous relatonship (and we both got tested several times). He's had two surgeries in the past three years.Anyway, when I asked him to give me our health insurance certificate he handed me a whole bunch of papers including the results for AIDS test he had done without telling me even BEFORE he went to see our GP!When he saw what he did, like a child he tried to take the paper away from me, but I had already see what it was. It was his reaction that was really strange. The results were negative and he said that he was ashamed that he felt so health obsessed and didn't want me to know. He also feels pressure that whenever he wants to get tested doctors ask him why (I had the same experience) as if they all think that he sleeps around.We have never had any trust issues. I know that if he wants to cheat on me, he can. There's nothing I can do to stop him. Same goes for me. His behavioour is the same as always. We spend, as we always do, a lot of time together. There has been no change...I just feel sad that he felt the need to hide this from me. I woud never think that he cheated on me and that that's the reason why he wants to get tested. In the meantime, he got some pretty worrying blood work results. He may even have to see a hematologist!How do I help him understand that there's no need to hide things from me? I'll be there for him as i always am.
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aids , cheated on me, std Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo a femle reader anonymous:
Thank you for that piece of advice! This time they haven't checked teh elvel of iron, but earlier when they have it WAS elevated!!! But none of teh doctors seemed to mind.
I'll look it up!
Thank you again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers!My husband had two major surgeries in the course of three years (blood transfusions as well). Even then we discussed the possibilities of getting all kinds of blood transmitted disease. He was really beside himself, as most health anxious people in these situatiosn are. Most STDs are blood transmitted, that's the link. He didn't eget tested afterwards and his doctors laughed off his worries (I suppose hypochondria can be funny). He even thinks that he can get all sorts of things from swimming in a pool!I guess if he cheated on me he would be more careful and not discuss the possible consequances with me. Not to mention that he would throw away the negative result and not handed to me. And I don't think he is trying to tell me something ;)Until now I have't realised how much he is affected by this health anxiety issue. I have never made a connection between his obsession for preservation of material goods (cars, stereos, appartment...) and preservation of health. Yes, he does suffer from OCD, but not like in the movies :) He just runs around repairing everything, trying to prevent our little appartment from falling apart, our old car from breaking down etc. He's been seeing a shrink, but hasn't discussed hypochondria so far. He too was unaware of how much it affcted his routine and life in general. I'm glad he figured it out himself. It'll help him in the long run.One other thing. He's ashamed to talk about his obsession, because I'm the one who has real health issues (in his oppinion they are more serious). Wheras he has always been phisically healthy I have two autoimmune disorders and take a hormone replacement therapy. I'll encourage him to talk to his therapist and start reading about hypochondria. Trouble with this is that is he starts reading himself he'll start worrying even more. Maybe he shoould focus on something else...Anyway, thanx a lot guys!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2015): I would say he is just embarrassed by his hypochondria. I'm a mild hypochondriac too
It is embarrassing.
On your initial point, I have been fatigued the past few months. Got my bloods, high iron... need to get checked for haemachromatosis as it is genetic and my dad has it. Very manageable though. Being from UK he may have it. Especially if any Irish ancestry. Right age and gender for it too. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 June 2015):
 I think you're tight when you say your husband is a hypochondriac. And I think he knows he is, as this is why he was embarrassed to show you he had done the tests behind your back. I don't think he was afraid you'd think he was cheating, and when reading your story I didn't understand why you brought up possible cheating, as to me it is not implied. AIDS, or HIV, infects through blood, not sex. It's not primarily an STI. And when you list up all the things he wanted to get tested for, and his "need" to get these tests done, ever so often, it strikes me as hypochondria. Now, Im not a psychiatrist, but his behavior reminds me of obsessive compulsive disorder, which is up in the same ball park as hypochondria. The obsession. The need to just do this, just do that, get it just so. And the stress and anxiety if you can't get it done just so.
I think you should read up more about hypochondria, and perhaps talk to him about this. Treat mental illness as seriously as you would treat a somatic illness. If he's hypochondriac, he can not for the life of him see how unnecessary his concerns are. All he can see is that he's scared for his life, and nobody takes him seriously. To avoid being ridiculed, as he must feel the doctors do, he went and did the tests behind your back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015): Why would someone in a monogamous relationship and has been checked along with there partner already, want tests for STDs?! If you both trust each other and haven't been elsewhere since your last check why would STDs be a concern? Something doesn't add up here.
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