A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I’m looking for some relationship advice as I’m feeling like it is deflating. We’ve been together for almost 9 years and have a 3 year old son. Things first started changing when our son was 9 months old, we found ourselves in lockdown due to the pandemic so was constantly around each other, working from home, juggling work as well as parenting with a baby that had just started crawling, standing, teething etc. it was tough. I knew my partner had a temper but I feel like this was heightened due to the circumstances we found ourselves in. I vividly remember my birthday in lockdown, he asked me to cut his hair, because I didn’t do it how he wanted it (it was my first time ever doing this)he thrown the razor in my direction and just missed my foot. There’s been many occasions too many to list where he has thrown things, punched walls, slammed doors etc and my instant thought it ‘I don’t want to be with him’ ‘I don’t want my son around this sort of atmosphere’ - but two years later I’m still here as I am terrified of being on my own with a 3 year old. How would I manage? The current cost of living makes it impossible for me to find a house to rent, pay bills, pay nursery fees, provide essentials such as food and water. I know I will get answers like ‘talk to him’ - but I’ve tried, so many times. Every time I try to communicate my thoughts and feelings, it ends up in an argument. He doesn’t want to listen, change his attitude/anger, compromise, communicate - nothing. It’s got to the point where I just don’t say anything and instead let it get to me, I bottle up my feelings and emotions rather than saying something because I know it will end up in an argument and I don’t want my son to witness anything like that. He’s already picking up negative energy and has started being very angry and often violent himself because he’s seen his father act like this. It makes me really really sad - I want to raise a kind, calm, affectionate and loving boy. How can I do this when his father acts the way he does? I really would appreciate any advice on how to deal with my partner and/or how to go about leaving a relationship with a child. Thank you
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 July 2022):
 "I know I will get answers like ‘talk to him’ - but I’ve tried, so many times. "
No, talking doesn't fix this. At all.
IT IS abuse "even if he doesn't hit you". And yes your son will learn this behavior. He has already picked up a few of those things already. Little kids are sponges.
What kind of housing are available for single moms? That should be your first stop, if not a shelter for women.
Secondly, child maintenance and a custody agreement. ASAP.
I don't know what is available in your area, I would contact family and Citizen's Advice.
If you have a decent relationship with your family, NOW is the time to call in favors and ASK for help. Actually ASKING for help should be your first priority.
You and your son NEED to get out and away.
Make sure you leave safely. Make sure you pack up ALL the important papers for you and your son.
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/
LET your family help you.
You can not fix the BF, but you CAN remove yourself and your son.
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