A
male
age
30-35,
*aptainh
writes:Something I've really been trying to get my head around. I have probably not had the courage and the confidence to put myself out there socially, and this is something that is really starting to do my head in and something that I am desperate to get past. I understand that one never knows if they don't try. I have done that (not taken the risk) on so many occasions and am more than ready to try. I am not afraid to share my feelings if I feel I can trust someone and if I feel it would benefit from doing so. There are so many people that I want to talk to and be friends with, but have not had the courage to speak to them or the confidence to see if they want to do something on the weekend or something. I share my feelings with people, I seem to get a good response and I feel a bit better about myself for sharing something so personal. I feel like this provides the building block for a good relationship, yet it may also make the conversation awkward. I feel like I owe it to myself to put myself out there and I feel like people want me to do it from the affirmations I've received, i just want to do it, can never seem to bring myself to. I am going into my last year of school, next year (2012) and don't want to regret not having put myself out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): some people say people love people who love themselves, dont ake this too literally but bear in mind what makes u great and try not to be a sob story to people you dont know. some people you really will connect with fast but everything takes time to grow and putting yourself out there definitly has to happen
just try to be friendly and think of who inspires you and how you are just like them in 1way or another
and its true that you should treat people how you want to be treated, if you approach them they will want to approach you and if you are a good friend they should be too, not the case with every1 but its still worth putting that out there
good luck :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): i have a similar to you (except i am extremley shy and have social anxiety), but i was asked to come out with some old friends from about 2 years ago who if im honest i didnt realy know any more , they rang me up invited me out and i didnt want to i was in bed on laptop after work at about 8pm aand realy couldnt be arsed, thats my excuse for not wanting to go out.. i was thinking to my self while on the phone just say yes it will do you good dont worry about other people being ther.. so i said yes instantly... without thinking just said 'yer alright' i went round and went on xbox with them and had a few beers ther was only two mates then it got akward they invited two more people out who i dint know and i kinda shyd away and eventualy went home.... but belive me i felt good about the fact i went out i felt a bit more confident and from now on i have promised my self if the opportunity arrises just say yes :) cos u never know
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (18 December 2011):
 The best thing is the be relaxed around people. When you are calm and relaxed you make people around you feel comfortable. Secondly... you DO NOT open friendships with personal feelings!!! You have to get to know people first before you open up too deep. My advice... be yourself, be comfortable in who you are and just try to see the lighter side to life...and friendships NEED TIME!!! They do not develop overnight! You will not connect with people overnight but the ones you do connect with... friendships will grow with time! Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (18 December 2011):
 Hey there,
I struggled with self-esteem issues and confidence problems a lot when I was your age, which really was only a few years ago. I'm not some old crony who is going to tell you how wonderful 1952 was and how Eisenhower was the best president. Don't worry.
I have always been a bit nerdy and bookish, thus also quiet and reserved. I found making friends difficult and never felt like I fit in with anyone. I honestly did not completely get over this until college, which is approaching quickly for you. College is also a great time to explore new social situations and put yourself out there. So, if this last year of high school doesn't go quite as well as you hoped, have no fear; college is near! ;-)
Confidence stems from within and you must feel good about yourself in order to project yourself boldly and positively into the world. Do you have trouble making friends because you fear people will not accept you as a person, your interests, or your feelings? Or maybe you feel like people don't like your appearance? Perhaps a combination of everything? In order to fix this negative thinking, it is so important that you, not like, but LOVE the person you are inside and out.
I found that a lot of my insecurity stemmed from not liking my appearance. So, I took steps to correct that. I began to dress in a way that I liked and felt comfortable. I changed my hairstyle and began to reconstruct who I wanted to be. I tried to forget peer pressure and become my own person. As soon as you can become your own person and accept who you are, sometimes social interaction will become less anxiety ridden because you already like who you are and don't need the affirmation from others!
To make friends, you must be yourself and express yourself in a way that is comfortable for you. Never compromise yourself just to make friends. However, if you love yourself, you will have an improved attitude which will naturally project out to other people. People might see you as more approachable and might come to you!
However, you must try to push yourself to become more socially active. If you seem someone you would like to talk to, try to push yourself to introduce yourself. Don't worry about creating a serious friendship yet. Keep it casual. Start with small talk.
Before you approach the person, what made you think that they were cool or that you wanted to chat with them? Is there anything about them that catches your attention? For fellow boys, compliment them on a shirt and if it has something funny, a band, a movie, or a television reference that you like, start the conversation there! An example: "Hey, I noticed you have a Metallica shirt on. I really like it. By the way, my name is Joe. So, have you listened to their album Master of Puppets?" Same goes for girls! Look for a common interest, but, if you think you might be more interested in a romantic relationship, try also complimenting their smile or eyes, after you've established common interest. You can use this technique with people you know as well, which might be easier than with strangers.
After you have a brief chat (keep it short 15 - 25 minutes), ask if you can add them on Facebook or if you could have their number to text. Express you'd love to talk more and possibly hang out. If they say no, don't get upset. It wasn't meant to be and they likely are jerks! Eventually someone will say yes!
From there, you can get to know people and establish lasting friendships in which you can trust people and share deeper feelings. I hope this helped. Best of luck! :)
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