A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. We've been good friends since high school then I moved to the states when i was 16. Since then we've always kept in contact and told me he loves me. Long short, we start our long distance relationship apart. Throughout the relationship, we keep breaking up. This last year its been more serious, I met someone here who I started to fall for. I cheated on my bf with him. I told him we kissed, but not the whole thing. I don't want to tell him cuz i know it'll kill him. Within the last year ive been having trouble and cant decide who i want to be with. I want to be with my bf, but i can't bare to tell him that we hooked up, but thats the same reason why i dont want to be wit him. Then the guy here is great, i know that we could be together if my x or bf was never in the picture. I can't seem to get over my bf, I still love him but I haven't seen him for over a year now. How do I know when when I should end it? Hes my first bf, first everything; we had plans for marraige and everything. What do I do?
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female
reader, poubelle +, writes (27 July 2008):
I agree that you should end the relationship. You started your relationship apart, have seemingly no prospects for next seeing each other, and have cheated on your boyfriend with another man yet can't face the music. You need to break up with your boyfriend and pursue a relationship with this new boy. Believe me, I know it's tough to release your first love, but if you want to grow as a person, you need to realize that you can't, shouldn't, and won't be with him forever, especially considering the distance and your cheating.
I disagree adamantly with the previous respondent who said that 'you have no obligation to talk about this with your distant boyfriend to let him know that it isn't going to work.' If you really do love your current boyfriend, you absolutely need to discuss this with him! You can't leave him high and dry. Explain clearly why the relationship isn't working; don't allow room for him to argue against it. You need to have your mind made up.
The previous respondent also said that 'when two lovers know it isn't going to work they say well we can have a long distance relationship which is code for I love you but I am going to fall in love with someone else and don't try to beat yourself up to much or lets live a fantasy life' - also bogus. There is a huge difference between your long-distance relationship and most other LDRs. You started your relationship apart and have not seen your boyfriend as your boyfriend yet. Most LDRs begin because one partner moves away for a time or something similar. If two people are truly committed, LDRs (with an end in sight!) can work out. I'm in one right now, but my boyfriend and I will only be separated for two and a half months. Off-topic, I know, but what this guy said really bothered me as he obviously has a flawed understanding of a long-distance relationship.
A
male
reader, Ometeotl +, writes (26 July 2008):
 Okay lets make this simple. You were never in a relationship to begin with you you moved away. There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. You have no obligation to talk about this with your distant boyfriend to let him know that it isn't going to work. You need to live life as it is now, not the past. You honestly think this boyfriend doesn't or hasn't had anyone is his life since the distance issue. Well be amazed he has. When two lovers know it isn't going to work they say well we can have a long distance relationship which is code for I love you but I am going to fall in love with someone else and don't try to beat yourself up to much or lets live a fantasy life. So go ahead and have fun with this new man. Best of wishes.
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