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How do I know she's telling me the truth and that nothing else happened?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2009)
A male India age 36-40, *ayson writes:


i am seeing a girl, i started liking her, before i even proposed i asked her about her past relationship, and she said she liked someone on the 1st day i met here but there was no commitment.

later on when i was deeply in love i came to know about her past relations through sources, but she was never suposed to confess this. Only when i asked her she told me, in fact she had no option than to confess... but she would have never ever told me if i had not come to know.. she said her ex boyfriend kissed her once and she had no time to react and she gave in.

later on there was a cold war between them once and and she forfave him... later on they wen going on again... she tells me he used to hug her and only kiss her on her forhead.. Never ever a smooch again.

How do i know now that nothing has happened between the 2 of them earlier? She tells me all the past stories after i fell for her... and only after i came to know from sources... plz plz plz help me

View related questions: her ex, her past

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A male reader, mayson India +, writes (12 November 2009):

mayson is verified as being by the original poster of the question

yes i do agree wat every body days.....but wen i sked her she denied everything......fine than she came so close to me that she tells be only this happened...after a week time after i cum to kw some more stuuf than she says only that happend and she actully forgot abt it...everytime i ask her she comes up with a new story...inow i really feel has she told me everything or just that she has this fear for rejection...well possibly has but my question is witout being truthfull to each other how can the trust be developed....try to understyand guys..i really trusted her...but slowly wen all these new stories are coming up from her side ..

doesnt it sound quite justifiable for me to doubt a litte and await for something i still dont know?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009):

I have been in a similar situation like your girlfriend. I'm also an Asian and know very well the mindset of Asian men. Before I met my current husband I had had two 'so called' boyfriends who has never had any physical connection with me. This was hard for anyone to believe I guess. So when i met my current husband,then boyfriend, out of fear that he would not like the fact that I had some involvement with 2 other guys, I did not reveal them to him. Somehow he found out and was drilling me for more information. Just like you, he suspected that I hid them from him b'cos there were some serious stuff involved. This mental torturing went on for years. I was sticking to him simply b'cos I loved him so much, but that time was like hell. It did more harm than good for our relationship.

I sufferd for more than 6 years untill he slowly realized that I was not a bad person. It took us a long time to build the trust back in.When other couples our age were enjoying, we were having cross question sessions!!! It was so terrible!

I hope the same will not happen to you and your gf. If you think it will be like that and that you will not be able to trust her in future, you better leave her and find someone else. Let the girl learn from her mistakes and be truthful to her next bf. Please don't torture yourself and the girl for something that has happened even before you met her. If you think you cannot COMPLETELY forget the past and move on, please leave her. You both will be better off.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (11 November 2009):

But all this happened before you met, right? Everyone in the world has some kind of past. The reason she hasn't told you about all this before is because she was worried you'd react just like this. Since being with you, she's been faithful, and that's all that matters. If you can't accept her past, then you must let her go and find someone who can. If you want to be with her, forget the past, stop asking about it and realize that she's with you because she loves you.

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