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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have what might seem like a weird question.Is it normal for your boyfriend or partner to fantasize about another woman/person while having sex with you?Do people do this sometimes? Or is it just not ever spoken about?I am asking because my boyfriend and I were at a party last weekend. We came across this woman we both know. She runs in the same social circles. She is not as attractive as I am, even by my boyfriend's own admission, however I can tell that he found her attractive during our conversations. Mind you, he was never alone with her. The conversations took place with me there as he was sitting beside me and she was across the table. However, you can always tell if your man finds another woman attractive. I even asked him about it and he said she was attractive but I am much prettier and sexier. And he isn't interested in her. He said men and women talk during social situations. Some may flirt a bit but that is where it ends. It is over. You leave. You don't give it a second thought.But when we had sex the day after, I just found he was more aggressive than usual with me. He did not kiss me as much and pounded into me pretty hard. When I climax or we both climax together, we are often kissing. But he climaxed with his head sort of buried in my shoulder, which is not the way it usually happens. And he came quick. Usually he pleasures me for a long time before he comes. Not that day. It just seemed he was more detached and more animalistic. Like he was just trying to get off by using my body. Not sure if this is normal as I don't have much sexual experience with men.I guess I am worried he found her attractive and pretended he was f#cking her instead of me. Like he was unleashing some sort of pent up sexual energy. Since then we have made love and it's gone back to how it always was. I realize every time is different depending on the mood etc. But I am concerned he was trying to get off thinking of her.Perhaps I am reading into this too much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2016): I doubt he fantasized about her. This is more about your insecurities.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2016): It's OP.
Haha Sageoldguy!
You are a RIOT!!!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 May 2016):
 OP: My crystal ball comes directly from the Swarovski factory store, in Vienna, and is GUARANTEED to give me correct guidance, every time.... or, 1/2 my money back!!!!!
(PLUS, shipping and handling....)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2016): I have had several sexual partners.And no, not all guys fantasize when they are having sex with their girlfriends or wives. I mean during the act itself.Sure, guys have fantasies (women, too) and maybe the fantasies arouse them but to actually picture another person when you are having sex with your partner is taking the fantasies to a whole other level. In this case, I would consider it stepping over the line. But that's me.So, yeah I can see your concern.But just keep in mind that sometimes guys like rougher sex. It isn't always the same thing. Some days it's raw. Some days it's making love. Some days they are feeling more aroused or on their game. Or maybe even more tired or stressed and are over compensating by the aggression. There could be so many reasons. And you could be making it all up in your own head that he was doing this due to your own insecurities. If he has been aggressive before and you have both had a very good sex life that has involved role play and fantasy, then chances are it's normal for both of you.Do not worry about other people. You will drive yourself nuts. He is WITH YOU. He WANTS YOU.He is not with the other woman. You HAVE HIM.Believe him when he says the thoughts are fleeting (if they were even there to begin with) and then it is over. You go on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 May 2016):
 Um. Oh dear. You are in your 20s so perhaps this is your first realization that fantasy does play a role in keeping things fresh and fun. How do I phrase this so you don’t freak out.... hm....
So...
Um, yes, it’s perfectly normal for fantasy thinking to happen during sex. Yep. Women do it too.
Now, this may come as a shock to you as you do seem very worried about your relationship, I’m sure you are very sexy and very pretty. Remember that some of the women who are considered the most sexy and most beautiful women in the world (by magazines of course) are cheated on by their dearly devoted husbands, boyfriends, fiances, life partners, etc.
Here’s the thing. if you want to be in a happy loving mutually satisfactory relationship at the age of 30 or 40 or 50.... you give the guy space, just as he needs to give you space... and by that I mean, the permission to have fantasies playing in the mind. This doesn’t mean he or she gets to watch porn 24/7 and use you as a masturbatory aid while watching it.
If you are going to worry about where his sexual mind is going... oh dear....
Is everything else okay in the relationship? Because this sounds like you’ve been worrying about his cheating on some level for a while.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2016): It's the OP.
Sageoldguy, you are the King of Clever one liners and remarks.
Not sure you have a clue what you are talking about though.
You are wrong.
Not sure where you bought your crystal ball?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2016):
You've discovered a terrific way to scuttle whatever is going on between you and your B/F.....
Once it's all over (I assure you... it will be).... you can decide, then, if you were making more of this than needed be.......
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 I think you are reading to much in to this. Okay so he found this girl attractive, but am sure he finds plenty of girls attractive on a daily basis does not mean he will pretend you are them. It sounds to me like he may have been stressed about something the day after for sure. If the sex was aggressive and tense then yes I agree something may have caused him stress, but it does not mean it is her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): No way to tell. He could have been aroused by her, for sure, he could have used that energy for sex (not making love). But you can't tell. And if you can't tell it's best not to dwell on it. I am not saying to ignore it, just don't obsess over it. I've been married for 20 years and in all that time it happened to me only ONCE that I found another man insanely attractive. Objectively speaking, he was not more physically beautiful than my husband, who's Norwegian, tall blond, athletic... you get the picture. But, what I felt (and he felt it too) was electrifying. We never did anything and I never thought of him when I made love to my husband. But, this attraction (and emotion) have triggered something inside me. I felt more beautiful, attractive, sexy... more wanted and that sparked something between my husband and I. So... it doesn't have to be bad. Be open minded. Enjoy the good things.
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