A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My brother and I stopped talking to each other about fifteen years ago. We never got along when we were kids and we have nothing in common. Growing up, when we did try to do things together, we just ended up getting into a fight. So after our last fight when we were in our twenties, I just decided to cut off all contact with him. I don't regret it.The problem is that our kids who are 12 years old attend the same private school and have became friends. I have no problem with them being friends. The problem is that I still don't want to have any contact with my brother. I know that my son will be safe with my brother but I still don't want to have any type of relationship with my brother. How do I keep my distance from my brother without interfering in our kid's friendship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 February 2021):
 I agree with YCBS,
Ask your wife to liaise with HIS wife when it comes to the kids.
OR just learn to suck up this "feud" and be civil when it comes to the kids. You don't have to be best buddie because your kids are becoming friends. My kids have friends, where I have met their parent/parents but I'm not bosom-buddies with any of them. I'm pretty good friends with my middle daughter's BF's mother and I occasionally talk to a couple of other moms. My kids friendships is not about me.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (12 February 2021):
 Well, it looks like your kids - yours and your brother's - have taken matters into their own hands, regardless of what their fathers are doing. As this has already happened, I see no issue in letting it continue, especially as it doesn't look like you have needed to be involved in any way.
Perhaps if, in the future, there is need for parents to liaise, let the mothers sort it out? Or just be civil, speak only about the kids and leave it at that. There is no need to have any greater involvement if you don't wish it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2021): Learn what it means to forgive. You can love people from a distance. Don't make your family-estrangement, dysfunction, and unresolved issues with your brother a family-tradition.
Kids are just kids and don't care about your grown-up issues. Let them enjoy what you and your brother refuse to have. Just leave him alone, and it follows he'll leave you alone. You are both setting a bad-example for the children.
Seems our country is hellbent on division and unforgiveness.
Be civil, distant, and invisible. Let the kids be friends.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2021): Ask your wife if she and your brother's wife can be the go betweens if the kids want to play at each other's houses!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2021): Can you be civil to each other but not be friends? Just keep the talking about the kids and don't get too involved? I would just treat them like any other parent of my kids friends. But who knows maybe he's changed and you might enjoy to chat sometimes.
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