A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I seem to talk a lot when I'm nervous. I think my new guy was a little annoyed the other night he was trying to leave but I kept talking to him. He was polite then said baby I have to go I'm so tired. I felt so silly did I blow things? I get so smitten around him I can't help it wanting to talk to him a lot. He kept smiling when I was talking. I want things to work how can I relax and not get to overly chatty with him I know men hate it. He did kiss me and gave me an amazing long embrace when he left. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (8 January 2013):
 You seem like a very nice woman. be confident knowing that you are indeed someone worth getting to know :) Talk! However, if you feel that you might not engage him enough? Just ask him some questions. What do you like to do for fun? Hobbies? Passions? When he talks about something after, validate it with an anecdote of some kind. Go back and forth and it will build from there.-Ihatewomanbeaters
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 January 2013):
 AskEve is right! Especially about #2! Get him talking! Ask him about himself. Be interested in him.
I don't think you blew it. But next time, ask questions. Eve is right in that they shouldn't be closed-ended (yes or no) questions, and stay away from the trite "How was your day" ones either. Think about things you want to know about him. It's not a job interview, but if he talks, don't just jump in there and say "Oh yeah, well I do that too"...instead, ask him follow-up questions.
Example:
He says "My sister is a kindergarten teacher..."
You shouldn't say: "Oh really? That's great! My kindergarten teacher was so nice. We used to read Dr. Seuss, and it's a tough thing to teach in this day and age. One day, my friend who's a second grade teacher talked about how her school changed the curriculum on them and she almost protested to the superintendent...."
You should say: "That's wonderful! What was it that made her choose teaching?"
See what I mean? Dale Carnegie gives the advice of being wholly interested in others. There will be time to tell him your stories, but if you talk when you're nervous, then channel that nervousness into asking him questions and being interested in him. When you get past the nervousness, then you'll get into the back-and-forth groove, and it'll be easy.
If he asks you a question at this time, answer it short and keep a little mystery. Take a lesson from TV drama -- they never reveal the personal backstory of the complicated lead actor until season 4. LOL There's plenty of time! You're in season 1!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 January 2013):
It's easy; don't say every single thing that comes to your mind. In other words when you find yourself "blabbering" or even better before you're about to start blabbering, just relax and practice some good old self control.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 To be honest I'd find it rather sweet that a girl/woman gets that nervous and jibber jabbers on. You must really like him.
His reply said it all; "baby, I have to go I'm so tired" and his actions; "he kept smiling when I was talking" and "he kissed me and gave me an amazing long embrace when he left".
Actions speak louder than words.
You'll relax more the more you get to know each other.
Sounds to me like you get butterflies in your stomach too which is sweet.
Don't worry about it and don't go changing. You'll slow down as you get to know each other more and become more relaxed. For now just enjoy being with and talking to your man. He obviously likes you.
If he didn't he'd let you know.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 January 2013):
 It's common to gibber out of nerves when on a date. The good thing is you are aware of it. Here are some good pointers for you -
1. LISTEN to what he's saying. This is the most important part of any conversation. Conversation might all be about talking but it won’t go anywhere if the listener is too busy thinking of what to say next so pay attention to what’s being said.
2. ASK QUESTIONS that require more than a yes or no answer. If you’re not clear on a point, ask him to clarify his answer, how does he feel about this, then paraphrase back what he's saying using your own words. This shows respect for the other person when you use “your speaking turn” to show you have been genuinely listening. He then has the chance to correct your understanding, affirm it or embellish on it.
3. MAKE EYE CONTACT. Give him your 100% attention and look at him when he speaks as this shows him you are interested in what he has to say.
4. COMPLIMENT HIM. Try to find something you admire about the him and compliment him on it. Everyone likes to be complimented and doing so will cause him to warm to you. Make sure the compliments are genuine though and not just flattery as he’ll see through this and think you have no real interest in him.
5. DO NOT PANIC OVER LULLS. This is a point where you could easily inject your thoughts into the discussion. If the topic seems to have run out, use the pause to think for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask him. Did something he said remind you of something else you have heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question or topic in your mind? Mention it and you’ll transition smoothly into further conversation.
Remember, he's probably just as nervous as you are, he's just better at hiding it. The main thing to remember is just to relaaaaaaax and have fun!
~Eve~
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