A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girl friend met a guy and a party and began dating him - he pressured her for sex. After a couple weeks she gave in because he said all the right things and she trusted him. Once he got what he wanted he dumped her. She moved on to me - and never forgave her self for the bad things she did. She feels deep down like she is a BAD PERSON, and less of a person that I am. I hate this and want to reassure her I have compassion for her. She blames herself and I think she should be mad at him and blame him - Also her girl friend know of his reputation and did not warn her. She waited till after the afair to let her in on it. I think she she be angry at them and forgive herself. Ladies - help me with how to help her get over this - I assume it is rather common. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you aunty rach
A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (28 January 2009):
sorry but i had to laugh at jam jar.." i'm 14, but no about this stuff" hahaha sorry hun, but no way can you know about what it is like for a girl to feel used. plus you are only starting out in life, so your life experience is not that much. but hey who am i to argue with some kid who knows all about this stuff. bless. don't get annoyed at me for saying all this, it just made me laugh.
as for her being angry with herself....i don't think she should be, it was not her fault! like i said before, you just need to make her feel comfortable and trusting.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (28 January 2009):
i've been in a similar situation before. met a guy, thought he was great, we had sex and next minute he was ditching me for some other girl. of course i felt awful and used, but i got over it. she will get over it, all you can do to help is show her she can trust you. be caring and loving and it will help her to see that not all guys are assholes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): As cruel as it sounds, I think she's right to be angry with herself. You can't rely on anyone else to make your decisions for you, even your friends. You never know a person very well at all after only a few weeks, no matter how infatuating it might feel at the time. She was plenty old enough to know that. Now she probably blames herself because she knew it was a bad move deep down the whole time. Or at least that it was way too early. She doesn't need to stop blaming herself, she needs to FORGIVE herself and get on with her life. There are plenty of worse mistakes she could have made. And tons of girls don't even get it through their heads about what she just learned until they're 25 or 30.
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A
male
reader, jam jar +, writes (28 January 2009):
 as cruel as it sounds... 4 simple words......"shell get over it" all she needs is a companion to help her through this and just keep trying to get throught to her and eventually shell open up to u. i know im a 14 yr old guy but i know bout this stuff
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you - your are great - you are really helping me!!
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A
female
reader, AperfectSchism +, writes (28 January 2009):
 The best you can do is tell her how you feel.
Maybe say, "Look, how that guy treated you was wrong... but I'm different. I think you're great and no one else could tell me wrong. I won't treat you like that guy did, so just forget about him and what happened, and live in the now with me. Please?"
Say maybe something along those lines, but in your own words. And only say something if you honestly mean it.
Everyone has that one terrible moment in their life while growing from one relationship to the next, so you are correct. You do have to deal with a lot of scumbags (and some nice guys, too) until you finally find the right guy.
I hope this helped! :)
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