A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I'm falling for my friend, or actually I may have already... It's so weird, usually when I have crushes it doesn't last long its just like a couple weeks and then when they get a girlfriend I get over it. But my friend has a girlfriend for a good three months and I thought my little crush would go away, but it hasn't! It's only gotten stronger. I find myself loving my friend more and more everyday. I don't know what to do. And I know nothing won't ever happen because when we have discussions, he's like "Oh I think couples who were once friends are good, but I wouldn't want it for myself, because when friends go into a relationship they "skip" all that first time lust, sparks, etc." and I said friends can have that too, but he disagrees. Then I got upset and was like oh what do you know, you're still a teenager (so am I btw) and when you get older things change, but he refuses to think that. He's like "that's not what I want blah blah blah" and I just got upset. But yeah anyway my feelings haven't gone away...and I don't know why. I mean nothings really great about him, he's not even that tall, he's really weak and scrawny, he's kind of cocky, we fight so much, we're complete opposites... yet he completes me, he taught me that I'm worth it, he loves all of me (as a friend of course), even those bad sides, I'm so mean to him sometimes and he's never mean back to me, I can tell him anything and he always listens, everything I tell him and do with him feels so natural...its never forced. When I see him, my heart lights up and I'm happy. But he's my friend and I accept that, but its been months and these feelings won't go away. I tried ignoring him, you know, that out of sight out of mind thing, but it failed, I ended up feeling empty and I just kept thinking about him more and he ended up hurt too because he needs me also as I'm also that one person that he tell anything too. Please help, I don't know what to do, I always tell myself there's other guys out there, but its difficult because its like I don't see their faces...I just see him, he's all I have feelings for. My feelings get in the way of being attracted to and liking other guys. And of course him, being the dense, clueless loser he is, has NO IDEA of my feelings. Am I in love? And what should I do?
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crush, get a girlfriend, has a girlfriend, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babiegurlxo +, writes (30 June 2010):
is some ways yu should tell yur friend :) how yu feel yu nevr kno if iht could be more then jus a friendship ! 3
A
female
reader, underground_princess  +, writes (30 May 2010):
Hmmm well, guys do tend to be dense and clueless in these situations! But not always.
From what you've described, it almost sounds like he's in denial about the two of you. If he really is short, weak and scrawny, and you can say that, sounds like you may be out of his league a bit (but who knows) and perhaps he knows that. So he's holding onto the great friendship you two have as much as possible, thinking thats as much as you two can have. If he was so upset when you tried to cut him out to move on, he does care a lot for you. How much though is the question. The whole denial about not wanting a relationship starting from friendship, could mean one of two things, I think... Either he's fully aware of how you feel and is trying to put you off the idea OR is just trying to put you off the scent of how he does feel about you. Every situation is different, so its hard to say, and I don't want to get your hopes up.
Love is a strong word, and only you know how you feel.
As to what you should do- don't be a homewrecker. Have some dignity, and respect for your fellow sisters. I know thats hard, and I've been in a similar situation where I just had to be there for him- and he came to me for advice about her and when they broke up- he came to me as well. We're now crazy about each other but can't be together (another story). Just be there for him.
If you want to be a bit more proactive, you could try making him jealous. There are other guys out there and you don't have to date them... just put the two of you in situations where he'll see you outrageously flirting with a guy who you've already told him you're in to. But then again, be careful, you don't want to lead anyone on too much and then hurting another third party.
OR you could just tell him everything. But that is risky. for friendship, as well as for a potential relationship.
sorry, I know its not very helpful, but I wish you the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, vssia +, writes (30 May 2010):
You should ask him out. The worst he can do is say no. If you want to do it in a round about sort of way, just talk about it like its nothing and joke about it, to study his reaction. If he seems open to the idea, then go ahead, if not... well it's your risk to take.
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A
female
reader, cmander  +, writes (30 May 2010):
one, your feelings for your friend have only increased since he's been seeing someone because he's more unavailable then before, which in turn makes you want him more, and also because he's said that he thinks friends can't become lovers etc, which places again another challnge for you.
two, i htink you may like him because he (yo put it simply) puts up with you taking your anger out on him, you don't even sound like your physically attracted too him.
i think you are not in love your in lust and if you two end up in a relationship, ffrom what you have said it sounds like you will lose intrest quite quickly.
sorry if ive sounded brash i don't mean too :) best of luck hope this helps.
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