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male
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*izzychad
writes: Hi, I've been looking for someone who shares a similar sexual history as myself. I am a virgin and want to meet a girl who is as well. In fact my desire to be with another virgin is the primary reason I have waited. I think it would be a bit hypocritical if I was not a virgin and demanded that my girlfriend be one. Sex is very important to me, I have no desire to be with a girl who has the memory and the possible biological consequences of being previously sexually active with someone else. I feel this would certainly have at least some effect on the future sexual intimacy I so crave to have with my future bride. I feel I would be second to any of her past sexual relationships and in some ways I certainly would be as I would always be compared consciencously and cetainly sub-consciencously to anyone else she ever had sex with. I would most likely feel betrayed in a relationship like that. I want to give all I have sexually to someone who deserves it and I want the same. I will be a thirty something in a few years. I don't care if I have to date someone who is younger, I just want to find someone who I am compatible with. How do I do this?Thank you, Chad
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): I feel you pain and agree with you 100% I have had opportunities and still have opportunities to lose my virginity but I am looking for a women who is a virgin too plus also with the write mentality and I don’t agree with the other comment made by the other reader about going to church to just find a virgin because that’s not what church is about it's not a dating agency it's a place of worship and if your not religious then you should not go I’m not as old as you I’m 20 but I no exactly how you feel its depressing you feel like your roasting
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007):
I think you are on the right track with "similar sexual history", but you go off the rails with looking for a virgin specifically.
Really virgin sex is that that big of a deal, and really is only once anyway.
It is much more important that you find someone is truely a good person and compatible with you. They will likely have a similar sexual history but they could have gone as far as having sex a couple of people.
Dont worry about "no desire to be with a girl who has the memory" of another person. I think most girls remeber the first person and first experience (probably not great memories either) but for the most part thats not who the decide to marry and make a life long comittment to.
You should be looking the person who is marriage appropriate , and for character is much more important than technical virginity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): Watch out for spontaneous thunder today martini, you don't want to be struck down :)
I agree about Buddhist girls but British Buddhist girls I think are probably even more sexually 'liberal?' as they tend to also reject monogamy and marriage as being Christian concepts, maybe? If you lead a life of "personal spirituality" you tend to end up sleeping with more people, I am just guessing there though.
Perhaps a Hindu girl? but then most practicing Hindu's are born in to it culturally and so you face the challenge of having her family reject you.
What a tough ol' world it is.
Any how. Back to the question at hand. I suggest the first thing you should do is complete the following test.
It should increase your ability at detecting pure and virgin women out from the common riff raff. This is most certainly a primary skill you must have, and as you are in your 30's, time is running out, my friend. Younger women are usually virgin by choice, much older women are virgin moreso because of "other" factors that, could well be detrimental influences in building and maintaining a rewarding and life-long relationship and marriage. Here is the URL: http://www.okcupid.com/virgin
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): Or join Buddhism and find someone who is also Buddhist. You don't have to believe in God. It's all philosophy... 8] Lots of cute bubbly girls are Buddhists. 8]
Pete said "But then again there is the problem that a lot of Christian's have sex -and then- decide to give themselves to Jesus so who knows."
You know, I couldn't help but laugh out loud on that one... [wink]
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007):
I'd say join a Church or some Christian websites and become a "Christian", even if you don't accept Jesus as your saviour, I'm sure you could eventually end up believing it yourself if you tell yourself it long enough, that's how many Christian's end up, I'm sure.
But then again there is the problem that a lot of Christian's have sex -and then- decide to give themselves to Jesus so who knows.
... So, what are your views on Islam?
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male
reader, dizzychad +, writes (8 January 2007):
dizzychad is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you for your advice and I aknowledge that sexual purity is not everything in a romantic relationship, but to me it is an important defining part of who I am. It is like the welfare of apes to Jane Goodall, racial equality to Martin Luther King or music to Mozart. I want to find someone who I can share this type of sexual intimacy with. I understand I am looking right past many beautiful, wonderful incompatible people. My question should have been, "Does anyone know of any dating agency, group or website which asks questions of sexual past?" It is as relevant to me as an artistic person seeking another artistic person or someone of a particular age seeking someone their same age. Does a website or group exist?
Thanks,
Chad
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): I may be young but i think i know what i'm talkin about. I lost my virginity at age 12, very stupid. Now i'm 15 and in a serious relationship with my boyfriend he is younger than me. I lied to him about being a virgen and after we had sexc i told him, he was really upset because he wanted to lose it to a virgen too and i wasnt. But, he could of dumped me, and he didnt we are still together and he told me that he loves me no matter what. The point is if oyu love that person sex shouldnt be the main reason your with that person. If you find someone that is perfect for you but isnt a virgen and you let them go...she might be a better person than a virgen. So go with your heart.
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female
reader, forgetmenot +, writes (13 December 2006):
 I used to want to lose my virginity to another virgin. Now I don't mind so much. I just would like it to someone I'm in a loving respectful relationship with. But then again I suppose my reasons for being a virgin aren't religious and I don't know that I believe in marriage. I think you need to look at you reasons for wanting to be with another virgin so much and look at your insecurities and worries about being compared to past lovers. The problem with your current quest is that you could overlook a truly loving relationship in favor of being with another virgin, simply because you don't want to be compared and if she isn't a virgin can't trust that she sees being intimate with you as something completely special. A virgin is not neccisarily going to be more loving, moral or trustworthy than anyone else. It just means that perhaps they had a different sort of journey to get to be the person they are today than maybe you have had
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male
reader, Zim  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 First of well done for staying a virgin! I'm in the same situation as you albeit a little younger. I'm a Christian so I am still a virgin. I know how you are feeling. You want someone who has kept themselves for you but is also compatible. Since i've been at university, (i'm a second year), i've discovered a few things. Religious people are the most likely to be virgins due to their beliefs. This is not necessarily just Christianity however. Other religions are like this too. Also, i've found a few people who aren't Christians, are female and are still virgins. They are a lot more common than you think. Especially since it is now becoming "cool" to be a virgin which I try to promote whenever I can. What religion are you? I would recommend going to your local meeting place (e.g. church, synagogue etc) if you don't already. Quite a few couples have met in churches and religious groups.
Saying all this, people do make mistakes in life and they might have had sex in the past, but might have been due to pressure from their past boyfriends. If you come along, and don't expect anything until marriage, that is going to be unbelievably special to them and they will be so much more affectionate and loyal to you than they would be to anyone else who had had sex. I personally don't think that your future wife would be comparing you to other guys she's been with. As i've said before, sex is only a small part of a relationship, not the be all and end all. When I was with my last girlfriend, I thought about her and only her. I didn't want to think about other girls I had gone out with. I'm thinking that this is very much the same for the majority of women out there.
I hope this helps. Let us know if there is anything else you want or if we haven't answered your question. Oh and Good Luck in finding that special person! She is out there, believe me. It might be a bit hard to think that way, but she will come along.:-) ZIM
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Join a church?
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female
reader, jabey +, writes (6 December 2006):
Gosh, what happened to finding someone who you fall in love with and love spending time with. Sex is a part of a relationship not the whole. These days sex is more casual, and not so much emphasis is put onit. I think maybe you should give all girls/women a chance, you could be missing out on some amazing people by being so narrow in your search. I promise you as a women I would never compare my lovers. If I am in love with someone they are all I think about not my last sexual experince. So dont worry about being compared. When you meet a woman yes take it slow dont rush into sex, really get to know her and if you fall in love she will respect you and your feelings. And if you really worry about sexual diseases then there is no harm in asking her to be tested, if she loves and respects you she will understand your concerns. I imagine virgins are fairly rare these days. Give all women a chance, there are some fantastic lovely people in the world. What a shame to miss out on having a relationship with them, because they may have had other relationships. Most people have a past, and that is what it is a past. WE all want to live in the present and future.Often emotional experiences affect us more than sexual experiences. And with the right woman, if you worry about your performance she wont care she will help you enjoy and learn together.
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