A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am confused. My husband and I have been married for 2 months, and dated for about a year. Sometimes I'll tease him and not make love to him and other times I will make love to him. Thursday night, I kept delaying making love to him and my stomach hurt, then it was alittle. Well, he did his usual turn around and act all cold bit, and then I told him I would make love to him cos I felt sorry for him (having waited for some hours). Afterwards I felt so confused and I felt crappy. I talked with him about this and he said that he wasn't trying to manipulate me, he was just mad, and that I act cold when I get mad as well. He is usually mad cos of the teasing and then not getting sex, not just the second part. Something like that. I really don't know how to describe it. The point is that I thought that his happiness would make me happy, but it didn't. It turns out being true to myself is worth more. He said what is wrong with wanting to plz your husband? I said nothing if you are not going against yourself. I know I chose to do this, and that I could've very well said no, but I didn't and now I just feel like I want to keep retreating into myself, not touching, not making love, nothing. I want to ask him things like-Well you didn't know that time, but say if you knew that I didn't want to do it, and that I was going to do it anyways, would you stop me? But this might put him on the spot. We are both grown adults (I am 21, he is 26.) And I keep reminding myself that I CHOSE to do this, therefore I consented, but I keep having this crappy feeling, and I don't know how to get rid of it. He was all well that's a lesson learned, then. And I didn't like how he worded it like that, so I just said, no, it's me learning more about myself. It was the first time I actually gave someone "pity" lovemaking, and usually I don't do that. Usually I just lay there feeling nervous or weird, while he is mad, and I don't do it with him if I don't want to. Other times I am just unsure about whether I want to do it or not. How do I get past these feelings of inadequecy, beating up on myself, etc?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah he asked me, "Wait, didn't you want to wait till some days later?" And I was all "I feel sorry for you." And we went ahead. So I know he respects me. I think I just need to respect myself more.
A
male
reader, england man  +, writes (30 September 2008):
hi girl
1st dont give him the pity lovemaking thing whats all that about if u dont want to then dont, my girl and i have feelings like this 2, if one does the other doesnt want 2 then u respect that what ur parter has said, sometimes if fun just playing and not lovemaking
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