A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Compared to some peoples' problems on here, this probably isn't very bad but some advice would be welcome nonetheless.I have been with my girlfriend for almost 18 months now. For the first 12 months, everything was amazing. I couldn't do a thing wrong. She worshipped the ground I worked on. She constantly wanted to please me and she did and vice-versa. The sex was amazing. We had so much fun. We became so close and fell deeply in love. We always told each other how much we loved them.Anyway, I could go on...Now however, things are so different. We're still together but things have changed.Now I know all about honeymoon periods wearing off- that's happened to me before, but usually only after a 3 or 4 months. Our honeymoon period was for a whole year!Now we never tell each other we love the other (for a while I did and she responded with the usual but it never came from her).I know for a fact that she now confides in her friend more than me (we used to tell each other everything).The sex has pretty much stopped- maybe once a fortnight, if I'm lucky, and then it's not the fun, kinky sex we used to have.She goes out and does stuff with her friends now, all we do is eat our evening meal, watch something and then go to sleep (we don't live together but spend quite a few evenings at the others place).Basically, I can't get over how good things used to be compared to how they are now.I've tried to talk to her about it and she says things are more 'normal' now.The lack of sex, well, I don't know about that. she hates talking about it and when she does, she says that 'normal' couples don't have sex that often, but for a year, we were quite prolific!! I should point out that this wasn't a sudden change, maybe over 2 or 3 months things started to be different.She doesn't seem bothered about what I think anymore, she doesn't worry about pleasing me or anything now and yet I constantly try to please her.Anyway, she seems happy with things the way they are. We've talked about it but nothing changes.I need to get over how good things were last year, so I can be grateful that I'm with her now.I do have my own friends, interests and hobbies but I just want to live last year again.I get so depressed when I think of it.Anyway, sorry to moan...Any advice or words of wisdom would be great.Thanks so much.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 March 2009):
 It is clear you have tried to talk to her about this and nothing is working, so maybe you have to come up with a different approach. I think you do have something to be concerned about here; whilst that amazing honeymoon period never lasts, it shouldnt mean that all romance and excitment dies and life together becomes boring!
You cant be expected to continue in a relationship with her where you miss every little thing about the last year you spent together, and she cannot just make no effort with you and expect you to stick around. I dont think it is a question of getting over what you used to have and being grateful for what you have got - this would mean you basically just give up on love and romance and settle for a boring existence with a woman who shows you no affection!
I think you need to try and put the spark back into your relationship. Maybe you should try setting at least one night a week where you go on a "date" like you did when you were first dating, so go out for drinks, a meal, the cinemas etc. Anything to get you out of your routine and make things exciting again - get dressed up for each other and make more effort than you would if you were just having your dinner at home.
Try any little thing you can - maybe a suprise holiday (if you can afford it) would be a good idea. Even if it is just for a weekend, getting away just the two of you will help bring you closer and maybe you will be able to bring back that spark.
But as I'm writing this, I've realised that this is all things for you to do to try and bring back some of the passion and excitement you miss so much. And this isnt right - you shouldnt be the only one putting in the effort, she should be working just as hard as you. You mention that you are always trying to please her and she doesnt even care what you think anymore - this is pretty serious. A partner should respect you, and always be interested in your opinions/what you have to say. If she is making no effort then you have to question her desire to be in this relationship - is it a case of she has fallen out of love with you and you are the one with stronger feelings in this relationship?
It seems to me like she has either got complacent in this relationship and she feels like she doesnt have to make the effort anymore because you will always be there no matter what. Or she has simply fallen out of love with you and is distancing herself from you in order to try and regain some of her old single life. Maybe I'm wrong but I dont think you should let her treat you like this - you sound like an amazing guy who knows how to treat a girl right, and she should feel lucky to have you (and vice versa). She should be wanting to hold on to you with both hands because a good guy like you doesnt come along very often.
If your extra efforts still make no difference then you may have to question how long you can continue in a relationship that is all one-sided. You shouldnt have to put up with a relationship like this - dont just think you have to stick with it just because you were madly in love a few months ago.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (24 March 2009):
Well, first make sure there isn't a more serious problem here. She may be depressed. Or she could be cheating. On the other hand, maybe you two are getting boring. Do something spontaneous or surprising. Flirt with other women. Wrestle alligators. Or do stand-up comedy. Think of what safe, predictable you would do. And then do the opposite.It will bring the sexy back.
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