A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to be 20 in 2 months time and I'm still a virgin and have never had a boyfriend I'm starting to think I'm going to be alone forever. I dont think it's a problem with my physical appearance, but more with my personality, I'm intensly shy when it comes to guys and maybe I'm not giving off the right signals. I also have problem of feeling like I'm falling in love with guys i don't even know, it's happend twice now where we play this staring game and i can't get the person out of my head, then i feel all hurt and angry when i find out they have a girlfriend.What i really want to know it how do i get out of this cycle and find someone real, not just a made up fantasy of someone I don't know?
View related questions:
never had a boyfriend, shy, still a virgin Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  + ♥, writes (4 May 2008):
Hey hunnie,
First of all, dont beat yourself up about not having a bf yet. It doesnt say ANYTHING bad about you. Alot of lovely people dont have a bf till later in life. I have a fair few male friends who are just awesome people, I love them to death and they havent had a gf and they are in there 20's. They are just too shy so girls think they arent interested in them.
Do you know why you are shy? I myself am shy and have had my fair share of insecuriuties. After some counselling I figured out what casued it. It was a mixture of things that happened growing up in my childhood and some bad experiences with boys.
They say that knownig what causes a problem is half the battle fought. So its important you find out whats causing you to feel so shy and insecure (my gues is you have insecurities as thats a common thing with shyness).
I think rather then focusing on trying to get a bf, you need to focus on whats causing you to be so shy. You may have some deep insecurities, if so, you really need to work them out because its terrible living a life full of insecurity, beleive me, I know!!
Overcoming shyness, in my opinion is smething that slowly changes. It doesnt change over night and you have to change for yourself, not for anyone else!! Be patient. I suggest you go into counselling or do some deep thinking and read up on the millions of books written about self esteem and shyness. They really do help, they helped me :)
Once you realise all the brillient qualities you have but just dont realise yet, more guys will approach you. Also, a litle thing I found helpful, always smile!!! It shows people you are friendly and are happy to be around them and to see them. It gives off an impresion that you are interested in them. So I think its a shy girls easy way to show your interest.
Hope this has helped and if you ever want to chat feel free to message me! I really do think I know what you are going through.
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 You won't be alone forever! It may be hard for you to break out of your shyness because you are placing a lot of pressure on yourself to have a boyfriend. I can relate to this, I'm not shy, but I have a similar problem that has maybe the same solution. Most people can date and meet people online and get together to start a relationship, right? I can't do that very well either. I can flirt and go up to almost anyone and talk to them but once I feel like everything is focused "on a relationship" or "romance", I get irritated and turned off. One thing that I found that may help you is that if you approach something from a common interest you can focus on like work or a project or even a karate class or something, you can take the focus off of what makes you uncomfortable and get to know the person through a common interest. Does that make sense? If you are doing something you feel competent in, your shyness will be replaced with more confidence. I just shutdown and have no need to get to know the person if I feel that it's all about a relationship- if someone I don't know well wants to take me out and talk about walks on the beach and expects me to gaze into their eyes, I usually don't go. If they called me up and said "hey, I'm working on putting wood floors in and you said you wanted those in your house, do you want to come over and see how it's done?" I'd be all over that and you can usually interract better, flirt more naturally, and have something else to "break up the intensity". Then I like to be wined and dined!!
I think this could work for you! Is there anything you could join, even like habitat for humanity where you go out and do volunteer work with a diverse group of people? You'll be forced to interract with them and get to know them without all the pressure! What about acting classes? You'll still fantasize but at least you'll be talking to them!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Andrew83 +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Well, things have a way of workin out, they always do so dont worry.
If your shy, try somethin that will help you like bein on cam with someone and they have there's on, thats what worked for me in not bein shy.
I know how you feel, there is alot of people out there that are still a virgin and still single who are younger and older than you are so try things that will help.
I'm a virgin and almost 25 and really just been single all the time.
When you've found a way to over come bein shy around guys, you will find that someone your lookin for.
1 step at a time is all you need to do. You wont be alone all your life.
Feel free to pm me if you want to talk :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): join the club! i'm terrified at the thought of never ever finding out what's it's like to be with somebody.
...............................
|
