A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have a 1yr old that I clean up after all day. Well my boyfriend has gotten a lot better with helping me with our son but other then that, the only other thing I don t have to ask him to do is cook because thats onething he loves. I cook, wash clothes and dishes all day, clean up the house chase my son around, some how I find time to work out. After doing all this I still have a full time job to go to, the last thing I want to do is pick up his dirty underwear which he has no problem throwing on the floor right NEXT to the hamper. As if it would kill him to actually drop them in the hamper. I can count on one hand how many times he has cleaned the bathroom since we moved in our new house. Sometimes it will get so nasty I can t bear to even step foot in it but he will continue to use it as if he does not see the dirt. One time I told him that if the bathroom was not clean then I would go on strike. I did not bathe for 4 days( He cleaned the bathroom ). We have talk about this many times and he will look at me like I have two heads and try to point out the very few things that he does help with. I don t want to sound like I m nagging him or talking down to him like a child. He just makes it so hard and get upset like i am scolding him. He says just talk to him about it, there is no reason to get angry. Talk get us nowhere FAST. How can I get my boyfriend to pick up behind himself, he is worst them our son and it is seriously driving me crazy.
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi there, Here's a little trick, don't talk to him any more about it. Print out the following on your computer, use colored paper if you can find some or put some nice designs around it, not too many so it won't look busy. Here it is: I LOVE YOU,
I LOVE YOU,
I DO, I DO.
BUT, IF YOU
PICK UP YOUR
THINGS, OFF THE FLOOR,
I PROMISE,
I PROMISE,
I'LL LOVE YOU,
MUCH, MUCH MORE!
Post at least two of them in the bathroom, one right above the hamper, and whereever else he leaves his clothes lying around. See if he gets the message. Stop immediately, asking him to pick up the things, let them build up if you want, then post the signs. He should hopefully pay attention. Please let us know what happens, if you try this. Take care and good luck.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 August 2008):
If his clothes aren't in the laundry basket just pick them up and put them in a bin bag and hide them. He's going to start asking, "have you seen my...?" and you can say "was it in the hamper? No? Then it could be anywhere."
Also, make a rota. Let him have a list of jobs to do that must be done by the end of the week and if it doesn't get done then take something he enjoys, like TV / Xbox and cut the plug off. Easily fixable but effective every time.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (14 August 2008):
 he sounds like a chauvinist who grew up in a household where the woman did all the housework. you need to make it VERY clear to him that things are different these days, especially with you as the woman of the house!
i'm tickled pink by the idea of your strike. i'm sticking that into my bag of tricks.
have you tried assigning duties and rewards? if he acts like a kid, treat him like one. if your child does something good, he gets something nice. if your husband cleans, compliment him to no end, tell him he did a great job [doing what he NEEDS to be doing] maybe gift him with a backrub from those rested hands of yours. if your child does something bad, it's time out or a toy taken away, right? well if your guy doesnt clean, don't do the next favor he asks you. pick up his shavers? his dry cleaning? turn the tv channel to the game? heck no!
you say talk gets you nowhere, so maybe it's time for a little "actions speak louder than words." that was my high school motto, by the way. not words but deeds!
next time he says he loves you, ask for some action! and not the bedroom kind! sweetly waggle your eyebrows and say a man wearing yellow gloves doing the dishes turns you on just fine!
and i liked tisha's laundry idea lots!
ps obviously you dont want to start any resentment... just start a playful household battle with him.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi, the last thing you want is another person to pick up after, right? You must be exhausted!
Well, the laundry one is easy. If it's not in the hamper, it doesn't get washed. You're going to have to develop a case of house-blindness for a bit until he gets the point.
You should tell him that if the clothes aren't in the hamper, they don't get washed, said very nicely of course.
Then just leave them on the floor. When he eventually runs out of clean undies, he'll either cave and put them in the hamper or start wearing them inside out and backwards.
Post a chart in the bathroom, decide how often you want the bathroom cleaned, then alternate your names on the duty roster. Tell him that you have tried talking and find that it isn't working for you; you need to take another tack which is to assign the task on a rotating, routine basis.
Another thing to do is to keep the cleaning supplies very handy. The toilet brush and cleaner up off the floor so your toddler doesn't get to them, but maybe on a shelf right over the toilet. Daily shower cleaner in the shower. Disinfecting wipes right on the sink counter. Then ask him to use them after he uses each item. Wipe the sink down after brushing teeth or washing face and hands. Spritz the shower after using it. If you have a glass door, hang a squeegee in the shower so it can be wiped right away, before you get out of the shower.
The thing is to have this discussion in a very calm and loving manner. Remind him that daily household maintenance is both of your responsibilities; especially if you both hold down full-time jobs. Then give him a chance to get on board the new cleaning regime. You may have to relax your standards a bit (I know, that's where you are now!!!) and be prepared for some backsliding. The thing you're trying to do is to get him to adopt some new habits, and these take time. Obviously, encourage the behavior you want, and, this will be tricky, ignore behavior you don't want, for example, the shorts on the floor.
Good luck!
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