A
female
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anonymous
writes:The man I'm seeing frequently treats me like he thinks I'm stupid. Granted, I grew up in a small town and never moved away. I went to our community college but never received a degree, but it wasn't for lack of intelligents, but because I was married and had already landed a great job in the medical field. I advanced through the ranks and became the manager where I remained for the 20 years of my career. I was in charge of 45 employees and 12 providers. My husband and I traveled extensively during our marriage, going to Europe, and other exotic locations, and though we never had children, I've had lots of friends with kids, and plenty of nieces and nephews to boot. Due to a hospital buy-out and down-sizing, my job was eventually cut. I took a lesser paying job at slightly lower pay simply to get away from the stress. I later divorced my high school sweetheart and this is when I met my current man, who is 5 yrs. older than me, been married twice, has three grown children, two degrees and a fairly high-end career. Even though he knows my history, he still seems to treat me like I'm some naive little 20-something girl that doesn't have a clue about life. It drives me nuts. I get so tired of him telling me how to do everything, as if I don't have a brain and can think for myself. In every other way, he's wonderful to me and we have a good relationship but when we have things to work on together, he overmanages every aspect, and talks to me like I'm 5-yrs. old. Talking to him has done nothing to change his behavior. How do I get him to see me like more of an equal and not some dumbass that fell off the turnip truck yesterday?...
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reader, abraham brown  +, writes (26 September 2007):
Wait wait wait you think's you are stupid then what are you waiting for,show him that even if you are from a small town that does not mean a thing..Coming from a small town does not make you stupid.Maybe he thing's that he is batter then you.I dont know you or him but i for one hate people who think that they are batter then others.Luckly wel yea some are but not all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): He has preconceived ideas. You say you grew up in a small town, never travelled or moved away, etc. This tells to a man with prejudice that you have little experience. Unfortunately you can't sit down and start counting relevant experience each of you have to then put in a balance. Generally, you don't have to travel places physically, you can have been there in your mind and have completed your system of values with other people's meaningful experiences as well. Does he treat all women so? Perhaps ironise him when he acts so, but I'm afraid it can be a solution only temporarily. The best way would be to discuss it over seriously. You're adults, you should be able to talk about each other's limits. How did he react the first time you brought this to his attention? Some people can treat their partners like this so as to [pamper them] but tell him if this is the case that you're not used to it and it makes you feel somewhat restricted. I'd say talking down to you and treating you like a child, he treats himself like a child! He may be doubtful of your experience and thinks what you know counts down to the years or the multitude of events, and sometimes we don't need to pile up a whole mountain of stories to be able to say we're whole, several significant events will do. Depends on our capacity to codify them and apply them further, on our analytical skills. Maybe applying his own strategy, masked, could be an idea, but not conclusively satisfying, without this proper conversation. Also, maybe he likes to play the daddy or likes to control, give him specific examples of what he's doing, not frowning, just for the sake of solving this aspect, of why he is treating you like a child. Also, are you behaving maturely? Some men can [mistake] signs of sensibility with wickness or immaturity so discuss that too, how you are. If you ask him to justify himself, you may have to teach him he can do it by as well justifying yourself. And hopefully things will turn for the better, so all the best and think ultimately if this relation can fulfill your expectations.
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female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 well, being a young naive 20 year old, i can safely say you are just as equal as he is, and he is living in the past when women didn't have a mind of their own and they stayed at home and did what they were told.
you are intelligent and he shouldn't speak down on you because you were successful in the height of your career.
don't play up to his games and he'll soon tire of trying to make you feel less adequate. when doing tasks and he takes over, refuse in a mature manner saying that you object to do things a trained monkey could do and he'll have no choice but to do them.
maybe try and not ork together, that way he has no input to your ability.
best of luck
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